Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Extreme times call for Extreme Measures

Right now might be the appropriate time to give you a little FYI about me, myself, and I:
I don't do extreme.

But anyway, back to the story of extreme times and measures. So remember when I confessed not going to the gym for what has turned into 2 months? And then where I confessed to major PMS? Which means- no confession needed- that this big mama was eating like a...well, just that- a big mama.
So much so that I came home from vacation looking like this:
*see bottom for note
And that is EXTREME growth in my face. 
This sight sent me flailing into extreme mode. 
Right then and there I decided I was going for it, I was going to do it...
a two day juice fast.
There's this place right here in town, Juice Crafters, and they'll do all the work for you
{for the small price of your right arm}.
I would eat NOTHING and drink 8 juices a day for two days.
While I wasn't willing to sacrifice my right arm, I bargained my second belly roll
and jumped on the band wagon. 

Things went well in the morning. I was downing juice like a kid with their Kool-Aid. 
I played tennis. I played like crap and ran out of energy. 
I drank more juice. I was starving. I tried distracting distracting distracting. 
Next thing you know it's 3 pm and I'm scarfing down two bowls of cereal at the pace of a deprived Ethiopian. 
I may or may not have been sitting in a dark corner while this took place.

Now, contrary to how this may sound, I had not given up. 
No white flag raised. I had simply messed up. 
So with our plans to bring the kids to the movie, I responsibly brought my juice and declined Christy's invite to sharing popcorn. 

But here's the theaters are dark. 
And popcorn smells good. And kids movies have the possibility of not engrossing me completely. And next thing you know....

that popcorn bag was GONE. In my tummy. The whole thing.
I don't think I've ever eaten that much popcorn in one sitting in my life.
And I didn't even get a tummy ache.

I ate so much popcorn that when I was doing my potties before bed,
I kid you not, the scent of buttered popcorn was traversing through the bathroom.
TMI? Who knows. What I do know is that it takes disgusting amounts of popcorn to scent your urine.

Day 2? Repeat. Take out popcorn, insert chocolate chip cookies and Oreos. And possibly a Reeses.

Moral of the story?
I'm back to old-fashioned eating pretty good and hitting the gym a few times a week to slowly drop a couple rolls pounds.
PS Can you believe Juice Crafters wouldn't even take my tummy roll for payment?
So now I'm stuck with that too...
*Ok, obviously kidding- that's Christy and she's totally a good sport. I'll even tell you all that pic is a Fat Booth creation.
So while that may not be how I looked, that is how I felt. 


  1. You are so damn funny! I love this story! You crack me up, girlfriend.

  2. Haha, so funny, but so true. I'm a big believer that as soon as you cut something out of your diet you'll only crave it more! Although I've had the hankering to try a juice fast...but i'm afraid it'll end like yours :)

  3. I did one of those a few weeks ago and I actually made it through 3 days! But the problem is that all 3 days I'm planning in my head what I'm going to splurge on when I break my "fast"!!! Dreaming about brownies and ice cream, and nielson's frozen I end up in the same place at the end of it too! You look fabulous, I saw your bikini shot!

  4. Oh my gosh, I can't stop laughing. Hilarious! I have SO been there. I was actually thinking of going on a juice fast, but was pretty sure I couldn't do it while nursing...but good to know I should just forget that whole silly idea for down the road too :) Thanks for the chuckle!


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