Friday, February 15, 2013


I am so excited about your "Ask Gay" post!! I have so many things I'd love to ask you. I need advice on lots of things, and I just love your outlook on life. My first question is this: how do you get your kids to share rooms peacefully? (If there is such a thing.) You recently posted pictures if your home (GORGEOUS BY THE WAY!!) and it looks like all of your kids share rooms. I have two boys who are 15 months apart. We aren't pregnant right now, but are trying, and hopefully we will be soon. My boys are complete opposites, and for the most part, don't get along. I am nervous for them to share a room. What do you do when one if them is sick and cries a lot during the night? How to you get them to stop fighting and go to bed? My boys are two and three years old right now, and they totally push each others buttons and fight all. The. Time. Any advice in the sharing a room subject is greatly appreciated!!

First of all, 15 months apart.....ARE YOU CRAZY??? 
I'm just messin with ya, girl! My boys are 16 months apart so I feel you on that one!
So, yes, all my kids share a room. And having two sets of kids that share rooms, I feel like I've learned a lot since each set is somehow very different from the other. 

I would definitely suggest two separate beds (versus sharing a full/queen bed) if your boys don't naturally get along. That already sets very defined "personal space" boundaries. 

If your boys are still nappers, I'd suggest either a) nap them in different rooms still or b) stagger their nap times, laying one down after the other has fallen asleep. 

One of the amazing amazing amazing benefits of having your kids share a room is listening to them chit chat at night. With them each being limited to their own beds, and the lights are off, their only option for warding off bed time is to talk to each other. My babies already do this also and it's priceless. I feel like this serves as such an opportunistic time for the kids to build strong bonds. That being said, sometimes that chit-chat turns into fighting. If that happens, they lose talking privileges and it's silence and sleep time. As with anything else, consistency is important so that they know you are serious. If they don't cooperate after the first warning, we use the "three strike" disciplining where after the third warning they lose a privilege for the next day. As long as the expectation and consequence are clear, we  usually don't have any problems.

I've been shocked at what kids can sleep through- i.e.: their sibling crying in the night, sleep talking, throwing up!, etc.You are on mom duty and any little suspicious sound wakes you up and has you on alert. Fortunately, most kids don't have your same sixth sense. Give them the chance to shock you with their sleeping abilities!

And as with everything, give the new routine/sleeping arrangements time. The first night may be horrific. Don't throw in the towel. Give it a chance to work, always being open to tweaking your system and working out the kinks. {That's how we learned to nap in different rooms!} If a couple weeks in it is still horrific, go back to the drawing board. There's no shame in learning through experience that sharing rooms isn't the best fit. Which brings me to my last piece of advice....

Babies can sleep anywhere. Porter had the luxury of having camp set up in the dining room. That was his "bedroom" for awhile. And Kaia slept in a pack n play down in the guest bedroom until September. She still naps in one in our closet. And speaking of pack n plays, Dallin slept in one until he moved to a big boy bed at 3 years old. So as you go into thinking about rooming assignments, don't be afraid to think outside of conventionality and do what works best for your family. Pottery Barn style may look good, but may not always be the best fit for what you got going on! When a new baby does come into your home, it will feel just as loved whether it sleeps in a done-to-the-nines nursery....or in a small half bathroom- it's the truth!!!

Good Luck!
xoxo gay
any follow-up questions, ask in the comment section and I will reply to them there!

Also,  do you have a question for ASK GAY? Remember, it can be anything! Advice about your boyfriend, hot LA restaurants....ANYTHING! Email me at

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the tips! You've helped me to not be so terrified... :)


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