Wednesday, September 26, 2012

{Hormone Therapy}

somewhere in Malibu
Well who wants to talk about hormones again?
Remember this where I was whining about feeling all out of whack and that although I knew I was crazy I also knew there was something else making me crazy?
And then remember here when I went to the doctor and she said I was leaning low on lots of hormones and put me on some herbal cocktail to try to jumpstart my hormone-making system again?

Well, I know you are just dying to know....
what has happened since. 
Where am I now.
Like any good show, we need the follow up.

So let's just start with this morning. Where all the kids synced up with my 6:30 alarm clock. The boys and babies alike. And before I had a chance to wake up, I was already on mom duty. And breakfast was cut short when Kaia threw an absolute fit because I wouldn't let her feed herself a blueberry yogurt on the couch. Ludicrous idea for me to put her in the high chair with a bib. And the boys were fighting and loud and on my nerves. And Kaia was still tantruming.

And me....I was consenting to let the bad atmosphere feed a bad mood and happy that Deeter had yet to spit in my face. 

Not my happiest morning. And I was pretty relieved that it happened to be a morning where I would be pawning off my children to a baby-sitter because of an "engagement". And somehow that engagement turned into sitting in the pre-school parking lot an extra 20 minutes. And taking the backroads to fill up my gas tank. Things that weren't my "engagement" at all.

That, plus a good walk and talk with a good friend, was all it took for me to recollect.

 And let me tell you the difference between now and pre-hormone intervention. Before, any one of those single events would have left me dying to peel myself out of bed or off the couch. And to be quite honest, my previous spirals may have been triggered by nothing at all. Except for a husband that loves me, kids that are healthy, and a roof over my head. Which are obviously things to lay on the couch and cry all day about.

Now at least I have semi-legit factors that make me feel sad. In a life that is intense and busy, I can handle a few bad moods here and there. I can handle not perfectly maintaining a happy attitude through every single trying incident.

It feels good to have a little more control back in my life and to not have to deal with irrational, tangible hormonal swings on top of "life."

But reality is still reality. 
I am still a bit crazy, no cure for that. But would life be fun if we all weren't created with just a touch of crazy? I doubt it.
My kids sill save their worst behavior for me and me alone. And typing this, I realize that I give them reciprocal respect. I am always quicker to get mad or snappy at them than I am with others. 
My anxiety levels have dropped tons and I'm able to relax and enjoy life a little more.
I'm more available for good moments. And speaking of moments, I'm learning to appreciate them and take them for what they are. I feel like I used to have good days and bad days. I feel like now if I used such broad terms for labeling.....everything would be labeled a bad day! That sounds a little bit pessimistic, but it's not really meant that way. In fact, quite the opposite. 
If I were to let a single meltdown or a kid going off on me or a yelling battle determine the mood of the day, well....there would be no good days. Now I guess I kind of expect those interruptions as part of the day. And I actually hate those moments. But peppered in those downfalls are a lot of glistening moments. Where there is a funny joke or a sweet kiss or a good conversation.
If I judged everything on a day-to-day basis, I would be sorely disappointed.
I'm learning to focus on single moments.

My hormone help has turned me into neither the perfect mom nor the perfect wife. Nor perfect anything.
And thankfully I'm a believer that this world isn't based on or designed for perfect.
In tact there's a huge ole safety net that is instead designed for not perfect. It is built to reward us for doing the best we can.  And has got our back for whatever our "best" doesn't cover. Our kids don't have to be raised by perfect parents, and in turn they don't have to be perfect kids. 
I have lowered my expectations for myself.

So that's where I am now!
My hormone issues were definitely negatively affecting my life,
so I'm a lot better off than I was before and a far cry from "cured"!
You probably got more than you asked for in this post.
And in case you were hoping for a laugh today, here I am thinking I'm looking all good with a big ole watermark on my shirt.
You can't win em all! Never forget that!
stalk AGNG:


  1. I completely agree!! I'm thinking my hormones are all out of whack too. I definitely can relate to what your saying. I peel myself out of bed too, exhausted and not excited to start the day. I may have to get your hormone cocktail recipe, please!!

  2. TOTALLY relate. When nothing external changes in your life but you know you're digesting the world differently, hormones are to blame. So glad to hear your hormone cocktail is working! Mine was all thyroid. Hashimoto's Disease. And just about EVERYTHING can trigger an imbalance in thyroid hormones. I think the secret to all of it is figuring out what triggers your hormones to be out of whack to begin with. Some of it is controllable and some of it isn't. But knowing you're not going to the koo koo house one day should provide some level of piece girl! xoxo

  3. Water mark or not, you are looking good. Thanks for the reminders that we don't have to just exist through life, that we can look for ways to increase our happiness and not settle for less.

  4. I'm so glad you updated about this because I've been dying to know if its helping!!! I'm in the same spot with the iud and of course wondering if its cause enough to get it out! Would you be willing to share your remedy? Out at least some of the herbs that are supposed to help balance hormones? I feel like I was the worst mom today because I was so mad at Levi for throwing stuff in the toilet over and over and over! I should just lock it but we're potty training, which is not helping the whole situation :) Thanks for sharing such a personal thing with us all!

    1. So michelle, the vitamins are just whatever my doctor gave me. One is just a twice-daily multivitamin. One is specifically for my adrenal gland and the other one, I'm not quite sure what it is. Unfortunately these aren't just like over-the-counter vitamins (minus the twice daily). And also they were designed to specifically attack my needs/deficiencies. Don't know if that helps! Maybe you have a general wellness doctor or even your OB under your insurance who could do your blood testing and give you a more individualized idea of what you need. hope things are going well...hang in there! xoxo

  5. You are gorgeous - water mark or not! I'm glad things are on the better side now. Needing to peel yourself off of furniture is never good.

  6. You totally pull off that shirt! You look great even with the water. Just call it a battle wound. Our title of Mom can never be hidden :-)

  7. I was just telling Matt the other day that motherhood is a series of frustrating moments with some sweet ones squeezed in to keep us going. I have to tell myself everyday to not let bad moments ruin my day. In fact I'm usually more determined to turn the day around

  8. Hormones (or lack of, or change in, or too many) are scary. I am 48, so mine should be changing soon and probably already have started and I have two teenaged boys, so we have hormone issues all over the place. Knowing is good, knowing your body is better. I am glad you found something that is working for you. Now if only they could find some way to manage the teenaged kind.

  9. You look fabulous! Water stain & all. I like this... lowering your expectations (just a smidge) so you don't end up being disappointed.

  10. I know that there are hormone conflicts in most of the people just as you...but your way of taking the hard facts of lie is really really commendable...I salute your courage indeed..!!


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