Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Deeter Lucas

Gosh I feel like my blog posts are pretty one-sided these days but so be it. I'm documenting all of my success stories/learning moments and not the frustrations or hard parts.

Anyway, I've mentioned before Deeter has not been the easiest person for me to connect with. From 11 months to about 5, he was a pretty demanding sir. And while him and I spent a lot of time and even more energy together, I didn't usually have the big sense of bonding. It was simply necessity and a matter of what it took to get through the day to day routines. After 5, he definitely got easier. Mostly because he started wanting his independence which left little room for me. While I appreciated having more space (read: less tantrums, fewer power struggles, less me doing all his routines with/for him), I noticed I was getting inched out of his world. It's not my favorite place to be- raising a kid but really not feeling like I have a personal relationship with him.
I had tried a couple different things without results. Like asking him to read together or do some other things, can't remember specifically what-->easy to forget when you never actually get taken up on your offers. I tried to talk to him but usually got shut down, etc etc. ( This is when Yosh let me know that Deeter was exactly like him. Hence the silence when I asked him a question he didn't feel like answering. Imagine that! But I actually hadn't put two and two together how much alike those two were and having that tidbit spelled out for me helped a lot.)
Now I can't remember the first time this happened and how/why, but I went and met Deeter at school for lunch. Actually I just remembered. I was at the school for a meeting (have I mentioned I'm Deeter's room mom? First for me. But that's a different story for a different day...that I'll never get to but whatever.) and it ended right at the time when Deeter was in lunch so I popped down to say hi. I sat with him while he ate and he chatted me up and was giving out all kinds of love. I definitely noticed the contrast in energy from him that I usually get. So I decided to go back a different day. This time he wanted me to walk to recess with him and when we got to recess, he was all, "Mom, should we sit somewhere and chat?" Oh, the boy who usually tries to not even answer my two questions a day? Yes, I will sit and chat with you, Deeter Lucas.

Now, the other interesting tid bit to this is Deeter would come home from school and still treat me like crap. Bipolar- love bug at school, completely wound up and bothered at home. Which is why I committed, like FOR REAL committed, to going to lunch with him once a week. Y'all know discipline in a lot of areas is not my strength. For me to consistently do something, I have to believe and feel the necessity and really want the outcome I'm going after. 

Well, I knew I really wanted a better relationship with the Deetz and I knew that this was the only time/place I felt an in. So I began showing up once a week. And I've been consistent. And Deeter has no idea that I've made this commitment so he's never commented on expecting it or anything else, but it's been happening and there hasn't been a single disappointing occasion. And now, here we are however many months later, and guess what has happened? Deeter and I get along at home too. Can you believe it?!! He's finally relaxed and let me into his world! And his world is amazing. He is a unique, creative, pensive person and it's so interesting to have a glimpse in his head. 

These little triumphs make me hungry for more. Motherhood is small, slow progress. It takes a looooong time to see improvement or results if we're lucky enough to get that validation. So when they do come, it's gold. 

In the end, current feels on the subject of Deeter Lucas. 

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