Sunday, August 16, 2015

The Omen- a pregnancy announcement

My current read is The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. Man, is this a gem of a book! I'm totally pulling an AJ and taking notes as I go. But the quotes are too good and have too much potential to enrich my life so, you know…

Anyway, in this novel, the boy learns about omens {possibly defined as small signs or acts to let one know they are on the right path?} While this isn't a completely new idea to me, the way in which the idea was presented and articulated allowed for me to grasp a deeper understanding. With this richer understanding, I've been much more aware of the omens directing my journey.

I've said it a million times before, I anticipated the stage of bearing kids and motherhood my whole life.  My goodness, a newborn baby is what my dreams have always been made of. And I have taken care of my four with a lot of joy. I consciously had a goal and priority of enjoying that time, of accepting the gift of my dream coming true, and I think I did a pretty good job of achieving it- I enjoyed those babies. 
And then we made the decision to close shop. It was a decision I always dreaded having to make, the definite nature of closing a chapter that had been my most anxiously-awaited one.

Recently, the past 6 months, I have flirted with the idea of having a couple more babies. (After Kaia turned 3, I knew that if I were ever to have another baby, that I would want two more.) Mothering has gotten so less hands on over the last two years, I can tangibly see and feel these dang kids growing up right before my eyes, and the perspective has made the prospect of doing it again oh so tempting. Not to mention, a couple of friends and my sister are having another baby and I am shocked how I long to be in that "group" with them.

The other night I had a dream. I was pregnant with my fifth child, a thought I had allowed many a times into my daydreaming while completely conscious. But we all know a night dream while in an unconscious state is so different from a somewhat directed daydream. And this was the first time pregnancy number 5 had entered nighttime dreaming.

The dream was vivid, the details were vivid, and the feeling was vivid. I woke up the next morning very aware of the overwhelming feeling and knew that it was my omen.

I was soooo sad in my dream to be pregnant.

Shop is officially officially closed.


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