Thursday, August 1, 2013

What TuPac missed

1) This sweats outfit

TuPac talked about "to live and die in LA".
Well L.A. is so yesterday.
Let's talk about to live and die in these sweats.
I think I'm going on like day 10.
I'm obsessed, addicted, and every other over enthusiastic adjective about these 2 items.

2) The above picture was taken just now in my hotel bathroom.
Right after I got out of the bath tub.
I like taking baths to warm up.
Which why in the world I need to warm up when it is still 100 degrees out even at 11:30 at night is beyond me.
After I got done counting my mosquito bites, I started rubbing just pure dirt off my skin.
That's what humid weather does to you apparently.
Makes you a dirty, hot mess.
And all this dirt rubbing made me think I need a Korean body scrubbing.
Right about now, I want a ripe Korean lady in lacy, black panties and a bra to beat the crap out of me and push me around and insult me and hit me in the forehead all while giving me a good ole scrub down.
I'm all in, Korean sister....

3) Can we talk about bunk beds and what a completely, utterly stupid person it was who invented them?
Whoever that person was clearly never had to make the bunk bed.
Because it is painful.
A straight torturous process.
And even more baffling?
The fact that I knew this and still bought one.
Call it a memory slip.
I know, I should have known. 
Or better yet remembered.
Because it's down right terrible,
trying to squeeze in between the wall and the bed at some awkward angle to tuck the sheets in.
And then again on the other side.
And let's not even get started on the top bunk...
which I obviously didn't.
I'll save that task til the other mattresses get here on Saturday and I have an innocent victim to push the task off on!
On the brighter side, these sheets are absolutely adorable.
Imagine a back-ordered heather gray comforter on this bed
and it's complete.
Simple, yet complete.

4) Speaking of back-ordered items...
As I got done making this bed, there was no bright pink puffy polka dot quilt to be found.
You know, the one that's supposed to be folded into a nice, neat foot and a half strip and laid across the foot of the bed?
To bring out all the pink accents?
Where was it?
I needed it to finish this dang bed.
After finding out the other missing comforter was back-ordered, I assumed the same for this one.
When I finally sat down to look at my "records" tonight,
I discovered no back-ordered item.
No, not the case.
I never bought it.
After spending three hours on the computer a month ago crossing all my t's and dotting all my i's to make sure I had all the bedding orders correct and complete- to the point that my eyes were blurried and my head was ached by the time I was done-
I didn't get it right.
Plain and simple, I screwed up.
I mean, how the hell can I not get such a simple thing right?
Back ordered would have made me feel just fine.
Completely forgetting?
It made me fiery.
Did you know I'm fiery these days?
Maybe the fieriness has something to do with the fact of having two periods in two weeks.
That's enough to make someone fired up, right?
Now don't mistake fiery for crabby or anything else.
I've actually been very happy.
I've simply been fiery.
Like I'll cuss you out and won't even apologize about it.
And then let out a good laugh a couple seconds later.
...Because it was funny, OKAY?

 5) And lastly, let's talk about some good ole Texan BBQ.
And maybe keep on the above subject that surely also has something to do with hormones while we're at it.
I know I've been whining a little about the ten pounds I've put on.
I'm just here to assure you it has everything to do with the "natural hormone supplements" I've been taking and nothing to do with the hormone-fed cows that make the milk that goes into these pints of creamed corn I've been killin over the past four months.

And that's all for tonight, y'all!
Sweet dreams,
sleep tight,
don't let the bed bugs bite.

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