Sunday, March 17, 2013

To Attract or Repel--> both are equally desirable

I was sitting at Alt Summit when a dynamic speaker, Jasmine Star, preached from the mic words that struck me and then stuck to me....
"You want to either attract or repel people."
Forget about the in luke warm, the in between.
It's the idea of truth. 
Of being an honest writer, an honest person.
Of showing the real me and letting people make a decision whether they like me or not.
Receiving that piece of advice infused an urgent desire in me to put forth a more honest, vulnerable version of myself here on the blog and in real life.
I genuinely wanted people to not like me.
It felt liberating to repel those who only liked the pretense of what they thought I was and would be repelled by the real me.
I would much rather have fewer people in my life that actually like me for me 
rather than having a lot of people who like the pretense of who they think I am.
So I've been thirsty to share truth.
And not The Truth, simply my truth.
I've been anxious to shed those people from my reading list who didn't like the real me.
It's like the lie was over.

I think for a long time I've tried to appeal to the masses.
And I'm not just talking about this on the blog,
I'm talking in general.
That's somewhat a lonely way of life--
holding back the real you,
hiding certain characteristics, opinions, and ideas.
Trying to be the norm, simply not to make other people feel uncomfortable.

I've been wanting to write about the beauty of being the real you.
Just these few paragraphs was all I really wanted to share.

But this weekend I've been thinking more about some of the relationships I'm mourning.
Relationships that aren't what they used to be.
I couldn't tell you exactly why they're not the same,
but I can definitely tell you they're not.
And it makes me pretty sad.

When I met with my therapist all of August
and she kept coaxing the real me out,
she warned with the coaxing that unleashing ME would mean losing people in my life.
And she was right.
The freedom that came from choosing to be the real me didn't come without cost.
Hence, the debilitation of some of my valued relationships.

And it wasn't until I was writing this post that those two thoughts came together-
how liberating it has been to be more open and honest on my blog lately and lose some readers over it,
and how sad it has been to be more honest and authentic in my real life,
creating distance in my real life relationships.

Life is kind of interesting.
I guess time will tell how this all shakes out, what it means, and which road of loneliness is more fulfilling: living as a diluted version of self or living feeling the hole of loved ones.


  1. "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

    Since counseling has been in our life for the past two+ years relationships and dynamics with friends, family, co-workers, bosses, etc. have totally changed. (for both me and especially Sam) But I think for the better! Of course its always kind of sad when friendships maybe fizzle or aren't as close as they used to be...but at the same time when we look at how they were when things were close, they were unhealthy. either one person was not being their "authentic" self, Or the other was always giving/ taking whichever it may be. And that can be exhausting and it's not realistic or healthy. If they really matter and value you and who you are, they will change, adjust, and respect you for you. And that change can totally happen unconsciously for them! They will subconsciously notice your are treating them differently, or holding them to a different expectation or not tolerating certain things from them, and they will either react to it or run from it.
    Change is always uncomfortable...but if you are doing your part and being your authentic self good will always come from it.

    I love you for you! Your honesty is what has always drawn me to you as a friend! I know where we stand, what your thinking, who you are. I love it, keep up the good work girlfriend!

    1. thanks for your words, cam! you definitely are one smart girl and i feel pretty lucky to know you! xoxo

  2. At first when I was reading this, I was like "FAIL!" how could you make people not like YOU? (And this coming from someone who doesn't like anyone. Kidding!...kind of..). Oh, Gay, I think you are so delightful! and I'm so glad we met at Alt Summit! This blog of yours has become a favorite to read because you're so honest and insightful - and hilarious. Forget those others and just be you, girl. What's that old saying? "Sometimes in order to fly, you have to cut the ties that hold you down"..something like that :)


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