Thursday, March 7, 2013

Do Mormons get Drunk?

Some people want to know:
Why do Mormons work so hard?
Ok ok so that isn't the question and who knows if people think that.
The real thing people want to know:
Is being Mormon hard?
A lot of times this question is in reference to sitting out on the drinking scene.
And my answer is that,
No, being Mormon isn't hard,
being Mormon is AWESOME.
Being Mormon just requires a lot more work...
to get to the drunken state.
You drinkers, 
you go take a shot or two, have a couple a beers, and you're feeling good.
Us Mormons that do the whole no drinking thing,
we have to earn the prize, ya know. 
We have to get up super early, completely exhaust ourselves by doing mucho work in the day- similar to the idea of making your kids or dogs run a million laps-
and then stay up super late until giddiness sets in.
Vision starts blurring, talking starts slurring, and the giggles can't be controlled or tamed or stopped.
Then, and only the desired delirious state achieved.
And this, my friends, is how Mormons get drunk.

I used to call it the after midnight giggles
but aging has been kind to me and
gifted me the gem of only having to wait until about 9 pm these days.
And for that, I owe Life a big thank you.
Because there are few things I enjoy in life more than that uninhibited-can-barely-breathe-definitely-can't-talk laughter.
I mean, that and juicy zit-popping-that-sprays-the-mirror are neck in neck.

So tonight I found myself on my bed all alone while the husband was away, 
wrapped in nothing but a towel,
reading my own Insta. 
Now, granted, the reason I posted in the first place is because I thought it was funny.
And if there's something I'm more than willing to share,
it's a good chuckle.
But let me tell you,
on read through #6ish of this little tidbit of a dialogue,
I was doing the silent shake while laughing.
By #10?
The tears started.
There's many questions we could pose about this situation-
why are you reading your own post 10x?
why are you sitting naked on your bed all alone?
why are you telling me any of this?

And to all these questions, the answer is the same...
You got me. 
No clue.
I. do. not. know.

But take a read and tell me this isn't some funny stuff.
And if you really think it's not, either take a shot or read it again at 10:34 pm,
10x, and try convincing me there's nothing funny about it.

I just read it for the 11th time and I hold my ground....
it's funny. In fact, even funnier than it was at 10:34 now that it's 11:13.

And there you have the answer to why us Mormons are such hard workers.
Got my alarm set for 6 am so that I can be ready for a fun night of drunken giggles at 9 pm tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. I refuse to let this post go comment-less! This is in the hall of fame as far as I'm concerned. I love that I can picture you laughing all by yourself! I also love that any late-ish night with Gizay turns into stories that we tell for years to come!


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