Wednesday, January 2, 2013

What Happens in Between Diapers and Depends

Considering the fact that Yosh calls me from work on average about, maybe 3 times per week, you can imagine my curiosity when I glanced at my phone to see that I had not only 2 missed calls and voicemails from him, but a text also. "Please call my work phone asap."

That was reason enough to stop the cart mid-aisle in Costco and push the freeze buttons on the four kids I had hanging from either the cart or myself, and attend to my curiosity.  I immediately pushed the 10 digits that connected me to my husband. 

"Hey." I've always been a sucker for wanting to know the unknown and that one spoken syllable told him I was ready for it.

"Did you get the email I sent you?" he asked me.

"This morning? That you're not feeling good. I did--"

"No, the one I just sent you."

"Well, no. But now that we're on the phone can't you just tell me whatever it says?"

"No, I need you to read the email and then call me back."

 What does he have to tell me that he can't say out loud?
Did he just get fired?
Did someone else get fired?
Did someone die?

Well, these are the little moments in life that get my head spinning, where curiosity instantly shifts from 'oh fun and so excited' to...something's not right.

I quickly hung up the phone and waited for my emails to load on my phone before I opened the message:
Josh Hansen
12/31/12 (2 days ago)
to me
I need new clothes as soon as you can deliver, socks too

At which point, the hugest, most sympathetic smile robbed my face. There was no doubt in my mind that Yosh had caught what Deeter's been struggling with for the last few months- the ability to successfully get his poops in the toilet 100% of the time. The big difference being that Deeter still has a reliable back-up for his moments of's called a diaper. Yosh, erroneously or not, graduated from diapers years ago. And there wasn't anything there to catch his slip.

The kids picked up on the change in energy as I told them we needed to double time it out of Costco.

"But, Mom, what's going on?"

"Well, Daddy's not feeling good and he needs us to help him. He needs some clothes."

"But why does he need clothes?"

And this is when honesty becomes not so black and white. Do I want to lie to my kids? Absolutely not. But with telling the truth, I'm running a big risk. That being, do I want my kids to tell every person we see for the next 2 days that Daddy crapped himself? While I might find this quite humorous, I'm not sure Yosh would- as I'd yet to ask him how he feels about the situation- and I've got a responsibility to watch out for my baby daddy.

So, I just repeat the same statement-- daddy's not feeling good and we need to get clothes to him.

We're rushing to the check-out line, and on the way looking for an outfit-- any outfit-- that will remedy the situation. Going home would've added an extra 40 minutes to delivery time, and let's be honest, 40 minutes is a loooooong time to be stuck in "soiled" clothing. So in true Costco style, we hurriedly picked up shorts and a shirt, one six pair of socks, and one three pair of underwear. And a bag of Depends just in case.

With the requested goods in hand, I stood in the elevator, making my way to the third floor to complete the deed. The doors opened and I saw my humble husband standing there in wet, wrung out pants, anxious for a change.

 The Hansen's have a family saying that originated from his dad and uncle....
Never trust a fart after 35.

Yosh long ago edited this saying after learning the hard way....
Never trust a fart after 25.

Maybe now he'll start taking his own advice.

{If you missed yesterday's post, go check it out!}


  1. The first time he lets you talk about him on the blog and you share this?!?! And he's ok with it?!?!

  2. Oh my goodness I laughed so hard! MOSTLY because my husband has already done something similar to me... and although I rescued him in a similar fashion, I laughed the entire time. I don't know why it's so funny, but it is! I hope that he isn't dying of humiliation!

  3. I cannot believe Yosh approved this story!!! What a trooper. Now he'll never live it down

  4. Ok...funniest thing ever!!! I have a funny story about
    Alan along the same lines but I'll share that with
    you in private!!! Hysterica!!!

  5. That is so funny!,I am laughing out loud!


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