Wednesday, August 15, 2012

{If I Ruled the World}


I'd have a rule or two. And they'd go something like this:

1) Douche bags would have a 2 strike and you're out rule. Fine, that might be a bit harsh. We'll play it like baseball...3 strikes and you're out. Out meaning death by castration. Don't mess.

2) It would be required to eat ice cream sandwiches two at a time. One just doesn't get the job done. Ever.

3) Communal living would be at-your-finger-tips-easy. Like you and your 4 best friends' houses would all back up to each others in a circle like fashion with the middle area being common property. That common property would house a beach-entry pool with a slide and diving board. This would be situated right alongside the tennis court. And there'd be Coca-Cola and Coca-Cola Light on tab {or is it tap?}. Obvi.

4) Kids would wake up a solid two and a half hours after their parents. And go to sleep two and half hours before them. And.....take a two and half hour nap everyday. Just kidding just kidding, we'll cut them some slack on the napping part after they're 3 1/2.

5) Seasons are simple: 2 weeks summer, 1 week fall, and repeat til you die. Go live in someone else's world if you want cold.

6) Music would accompany our lives so we'd be much more aware of a) when we're falling in love b) when a clue is right in front of our face and c) when we're about to be murdered. And when nothing that dramatic was happening, we'd still have some good music in the background. Win win.

7) Polygamy wouldn't include anyone sleeping with my husband. I'll share his wallet but not his pants. And with that...I'll take 3 wives, por favor.

8) Each household would come with Fabio from Top Chef or an equivalent- good looking, charismatic, sexy accent, and killer cooking skills.

9) Money bags, money trees....they'd all be real.

10) Women would have ESP. Like we'd know what our husbands/boyfriends were thinking before they say it, or when our kids were about to pull a fast one, or who's texting us before we even look at the message. Oh wait....that's already how it works! It's good being a woman!


I'm linking up with Bon Bon from Life of Bon on this little adventure!

PS Now you probably see why I have no interest in politics....nothing is going to go close to my way so in the's all sixes!

To hear me read this post (with interruption from my babies) click here


  1. I giggle aloud at the 3 wives, por favor. Those gals have it made :) I'd live by these rules any day!

  2. oh yeah, and you inspired me to write mine and I gave you a shout out :)

  3. Love number 6. I'd be singing to my background music ALL day and the peeps around me would love it ;) t

    1. Shoot that means I'd never be around you then…! Haha!

  4. I am LOVING this post!! Seriously I am laughing out loud at the background music and more wives :) Haha love you Gay! I also am hoping that I am in on this communal living with you .... you do realize that is my dream right?? Love ya!

  5. love this! laughing out loud { i hate writing lol" at this post! you are too funny! LOVE.

  6. Maybe one of my favorite posts ever. Seriously, it's as if for a brief moment you took me to a happy dream land. I want in on this communal living you speak of... oh and can I be put on the list to share Yosh with you (at least his wallet, that is). Bravo on your writing! Keep it up.

  7. I feel like I owe you an apology for #2 - sorry for purchasing the mini's! You know I'm on board with #3. I feel like if I can get some communal living going I wouldn't even need the sister wives! LOVE the combo on #5 - yes please! #8 - I've been saying I would hire a chef all day long before any other hired help - which is another reason communal living would come in handy! We would all just meet in the backyard every evening with our contribution to the meal. My contribution will always include lots of sugar and most likely chocolate chips. We better find somebody who likes to cook real food!

    1. kady i was thinking to send you a text like 10 times the other day. Can't tell you how pleasantly surprised i was to find the left box of ice cream sandwiches. And don't worry I adjusted accordingly since they were minis. That meant that a serving size was 3. So good! I'll work the grill and salads if you bring all the sweets!


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