Tuesday, August 28, 2012

{Dress Right for Your Personality Type}

I'm starting to see a pattern going on in La Casa Hansena. Admittedly, it took me a minute to pick up on it. It wasn't as obvious as:
Study this pattern. Then decide which symbol comes next.
 ^^&^^_

No, no, no. One thing you must know about us Hansen's, we're Math people. Ummm, hellllooo, yes... ME included. And you remember that when my boys are killing it in Math club, that I contributed a healthy dose of addition and subtraction, not to mention word problem solving skills, to the DNA pool alongside their Dad's perfect ACT Math score. Point being, the pattern was gonna have to be a whole lot trickier than that to trip us up.
We were at the pool and Miss Kai Kai Marie-rie was fabulously rocking a Roxy swimsuit that would have been equally fashionable on a teenager, and- admittedly-  that I'd give anything to be able to squeeze my buns into. It was a full-coverage swimsuit that somehow shouted from the rooftops, "FEMININE." If Baby Lady weren't a mere one year old, I'd call the suit masculine sexy. Like the type that is not at all explicit, but leaves the boys' mouth watering just the same.

Anyway, on day 1 of debuting her new suit, she finished her water time and was making her way to the lounge chair when she was abruptly sidetracked by a pole. An umbrella pole. She took the detour and bee-lined her way straight to the base, stepped up while simultaneously wrapping two arms around the pole. With her arms securely fastened, her eyes closed, she brought her face to touch the pole....before dramatically tossing her head back in a slow, deliberate type movement. I curiously watched her repeat this movement, time after time. 
At some point I forcefully removed her from her fantasy world and her pole and proceeded to strip her down. When complete nudity was reached and slipperiness was at a maximum, she used this to her advantage and escaped only to return to her pole, the pole which- I kid you not- put her under some sort of a spell as soon as she touched it. So there I was, watching my naked little girl, desperately enwrap this pole, to get her in stable position, where she closed her eyes and starting out slowly, then picking up speed as the fling progressed, to flip her head back. Now don't try telling me 'get your mind out of the gutter.' Because where is your mind? Exactly. There is no two ways around some things. Kaia Marie was working that pole like a Vegas professional and continued her dance routine without ever leaving character. Not a single smile escaped. Not a single glance to the audience. It was the cutest thing you ever saw. But it was also bizarrely disturbing....where did this talent come from?
And that isolated incident might have remained as such if it weren't for a more obvious follow-up. We were out for a family ice cream stop after a nice family dinner and were really trying to do all things family. Keep it G-rated if you know what I mean. And just as were closing in on another night of family friendly everything, Deeter disrupted the innocence as only my sweet baby Deets can do. We were walking and talking and eating ice cream and giggling when Deeter spotted a baby dog and then proceeded to tell me that dog came out of my tummy. Now while I appreciated his tactfulness and his sensitivity and his perceived innocence, the fact remained that my 3 year old just called me a bitch. This, of course, left the the door open to be deeply offended AND gravely worried for his future, because let's be honest if this is happening at a young 3 years old, who knows what the future has in store. I was looking at my boy, wondering, Where do we go from here? And in this perusal, the epiphany came......
what else would I expect to come out of the mouth of a 3 year old wearing a shirt that says....
SEXY AND I KNOW IT.
What mom dresses their child in such provocative apparel and expects angelic behavior?
That was the missing piece that brought everything into it's true light:
Kaia's hidden sultry in her teenage-esq, masculine, sexy swimsuit.
Followed by her bold performance done in the nude.
Deeter's sassy mouth prompted by rebellious lyric on a shirt.
I got the message. 
Is it clear? Crystal clear.
So clear that we are in reform mode, attacking the problem from the root..... 
Dress right for your {desired} personality type.
And Kaia?
She's locked in her bedroom, completely clothed from head to toe, listening to Mozart.

find me here:

5 comments:

  1. I've got to see that Kaia girl's dance moves. Love it! Deeter looks so proud of that shirt - he is owning it!

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  2. Let's be honest Gay, I've seen you in the clubs... we all know where she learned those moves from. :) Love that you can find happiness & laughter in the simple day to day things kids do & say. Love those Hansen babies!

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  3. Two things I know for sure 1) u r a math wiz. I used to get so mad in mrs koch's class when u would sleep and still rock tests while I worked my booty off and still couldn't get as good of grades as u and 2) if Kai girls dance moves were good they did not come from u ;) with love -t-

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    Replies
    1. Okay somehow #2 generated a literal lol! But what about e for effort?!!

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  4. Haha... your kids are AMAZING!

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