Friday, July 13, 2012

When Yelling just Isn't Enough

I might have a low threshold when it comes to things like whining and....being called a dummy. I quickly cave into the temptation to act very irrational.

This time the caving wasn't as quickly as it could have been. I mean, I went through a few valiant attempts of, "Ok, now can you say that again nicely?" and "Are you talking respectfully?" But come on, how many times are we gonna have the same conversation, kids? So when those didn't work, I was then ready to cave.

A millisecond before I went into default cave mode- full out yelling- it occurred to me that this would be a perfect instance to employ the element of surprise to get some attention. So that's when I abruptly slammed on the brakes, a silent gesture that would demand the kids' attention and they would know I meant BUSINESS.

So I go on ahead and give a nice, abrupt POUND on the brakes....

When all of a sudden Kaia's car seat comes flying forward, only to be stopped by the back of my seat. Really? Really?


And the kids are all, "Mom, why did you do that to Kaia?", each word whined and swayed dramatically.

So Kaia's screaming, the kids are denying any involvement in the mishap and wondering why I'm trying to kill their little sister, and I'm rapidly pulling over to the side of the road.

With a click of a button, I open Kaia's door to console a broken-hearted baby girl who hasn't done a thing wrong, but make no mistake, her feelings are HURT...even if it was an accident. I'm simultaneously telling the kids they better pull their crap together and that NO, I am not a dummy despite the most recent act which may have argued otherwise and that any more of this non-sense and they would be walking their sorry booties home. That's right. All two blocks of it, they would WALK home.

Mid lecture, I feel someone creeping on my back side and turn around only to find....the parking police....staring at me. What the....

"Ummmm, your parked in the red. What are you doing?"

I get as snotty and hard core as a white girl in the Palisades can and I was all, "I'm taking care of my family." Kinda embarrassing, but I probably subconsciously accompanied those little words with a head bob and all.

She's like, "Yes, but you're parked in the red...."

Does she seriously not know I just about killed my daughter and the act of offense that she's concerned with is that I am PULLED OVER-- not parked-- in the red?

"I know. I am trying to take care of my family. Believe me, we're not hanging out here."

Dang it, I kind of hate to admit that I have a bit of disdain for parking attendants. I just can't shake the notion that it takes a certain kind to have a job where you walk around and place parking tickets for 8 hours a day. But I'm working on it....

Anyway, she gets the point and escapes her own temptation to cave and give me a ticket. "Well, you need to move asap."

I tell her I'm on my way. I get in the car, and I'll tell you what, those kids of mine are all getting buckled and zipping their lips and have done pulled their crap together.

And it had nothing to do with my surprise-attack-I-mean-business move.
It had nothing to do with their fear of losing their little sister.
It had nothing to do with me threatening to make them walk home.

I have a feeling it had EVERYTHING to do with that little parking cop walking up and scaring the crap out of them with her mere presence.

Apparently I need to wear a beige shirt and put little orange lights on top of my van to put an ounce of fear into these kids of mine.

PS If you haven't entered the giveback, go HERE and do it! You know you love yourself some Anthro-- don't deny it!


  1. OH MY GOSH........those are the most pinch-able buisc-ies ever!!! I'm entering AND I love this post:)

  2. Enter me my sista and give the princess a squeeze on the belly and biscies and Deets as well:)

  3. Well told...I love that story. You have a way with words, Gay! Sure do miss the good ole days when I could hear your stories in person.

  4. I don't know why but this story reminds me of the 'bump' in Rexburg...


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