Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Taboo Part II: Mama's about to get Brave

Back to boob jobs. I feel like it's very accessible to hear, "If it's going to make you happy and feel better about yourself, then you should absolutely do it." Which is fine. But I think that other route of not compromising your own standards and still arriving at happiness- I feel like that voice gets suffocated. I don't  want a boob job. I don't want to feel self-conscious. For a long time, these seemed liked opposing goals. I felt the only way I could satisfy one, was by breaking the other. But I've found a way for those desires to co-exist. And that is why I share my thoughts on this subject.

So I laugh at myself thinking I could leave the boob job subject without saying anything else. I've done nothing but think ever since I published that post. More than anything, I was curious: what got me to the point where I neither wanted a boob job nor felt insecure  about my "nubbies"? I wanted to cement the evolving thoughts I've had over the last few years.

When we first moved into our current home, I got to work decorating, which was a new skill to me. I knew very little about it and had been exposed to more or less one genre of home decor- traditional. So that's what I went with. I started furnishing my home with traditional pieces. I always had a hard time making decisions and bought things that filled the space even though I wasn't sure if it was a good fit. And time after time...I was disappointed with the outcome. And finally after some experience and exposure, the source of the disappointment clicked: My decorating genre of choice isn't traditional. Which is why I had a hard time making decisions. Which is why nothing ever turned out satisfying to me. I was choosing "pieces" for a genre that wasn't the most appealing to me, which inevitably turned into a home that wasn't aesthetically appealing to me. The second I realized contemporary was more my style, with a coastal flare, decorating became A LOT easier. I more quickly could make decisions because I actually liked the "pieces" I was picking. And the individual pieces came together to create the overall look I was going for. I was satisfied.

I feel like we are all subject to our own judgments. Kinda obvious, right? I mean isn't that how we determine what decorating style is ours? We see friends' and families' houses, and magazines, and TV shows and our judgments essentially generate what we like, how we want to decorate. And so it goes with people. Although we say we shouldn't judge people, we all do. Sorry, that's the truth. Even if it's subconscious. EVEN... if it's subconscious... and then corrected. Those judgments may change with perspective, deepen with time or remain the same. But the fact remains: we judge, I judge. And those judgments are determinants in, what I would term, the underlying question. The question that all my thinking and head-spinning and analyzing and scattered thoughts have brought me to over the last week can be narrowed down to one question....What kind of person do I want to become?

When I see "me" in 20 years, I envision this down-to-earth, cultured girl. I still see me in my favorite jeans and t-shirt. Possibly with some cute Chuck Taylors. Or Toms. Or flip flops. I see someone who has maintained an approachable persona, which allows my circle of influence to be diverse, ranging from the rich to the poor, and everyone in between. I don't want to have my identity associated with things. In fact, I really want to avoid that identity if at all possible.

Now I'll tell you what, who would have thought there could be so many decisions and tweaks and turns that could threaten this vision of me! A couple years ago when I was thinking about getting a new car, I kinda entertained the idea of getting this one Mercedes SUV, can't remember what model it was. But it was beautiful. And safe. And would fit my family. That is why I would be buying it, not for status. Not just so I could say I drive a Mercedes.  And then it was an expensive designer purse that was tempting me. Not that I cared that it was designer! But the leather just felt and looked like such better quality. Shoot, it even smelled better. And then there was private school. I didn't even want to look into private school but couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to. And so I did. And I loved it. I mean, what's not to love? Your child getting more individual attention, more amenities, better equipment, etc. And this made the whole private/public school decision stomach churning as I knew it would cause a deviance off my path. And I felt a sigh of relief when we decided to go with public school. I feel like for mainstream America, these decisions had the possibility of turning me into a less approachable person.

And then there was the boob job decision. In thinking about a boob job, I always felt like I was the perfect candidate. I had an absolutely flat chest and only wanted a nice, full A cup that would give my body just a little bit of proportion. That's all I was asking for. I didn't want anything over the top, even though you know I'd still be tempted to flaunt my full A's- possibly small B's- just a little. Now here I'm about to go...I'm sharing MY thoughts, and I'm going to do it honestly. Somewhere along the way, I started associating negative connotations with boob jobs, which essentially means I was judging boob jobs in a negative way. I could pretty up the language to make me not sound so judgmental, but I'm gonna tell it like it is. And thus began the conflict....I wanted a boob job and felt like I wanted it for the right reasons, but at the same time, I wanted to get the boob job, AND be the exception to the rule. I felt  like a boob job would project me into a stereo-type that I didn't belong in and didn't want to be associated with.  Same reasons I would be hesitant to drive a Mercedes, do private school, etc. So the question really posed itself: what was more important to me....having boobs or not being lumped into that category? And that question tug-o-warred back in forth in my mind for a long time.

Kind of along these same lines is another point. I remember pin-pointing a key to my happiness, and if you ask me, to happiness in general. It was a little more than 6 years ago and I felt myself "wanting" clothes more. And I didn't like that feeling, that feeling of "wanting".  I didn't like it because I knew it was insatiable...incapable of being satisfied or appeased. And thus was formed one of my principles of happiness: having as few wants as possible. I put that on a quick trial run and agreed with myself to not buy clothes for 3 1/2 months. I was about 99% successful- I think I spent a total of $10 on clothes during the allotted time. And it deepened my opinion: If you're not always wanting for things {not just clothes}, you're happy with your current state. You're not looking for the next best thing, you're not waiting for your kids to get to the next stage, or just waiting for your next vacation. I want to put my mental energy to more meaningful use. Obviously that doesn't mean I never buy clothes and I never want for things, but I definitely try to put all that on the back burner.

Over the last few years as I've thought about a boob job, and even tried to talk myself into getting one- it felt all too familiar of just "wanting" something. I was unsettled with this want for a couple reasons. At the risk of sounding all about myself, I'm still going to choose to be honest. Ya'll, this body of mine has been through phases. And let me quickly highlight my 18-22 year old phase. I could do it in one word- rough. ROUGH. But I don't think that would be super satisfying to you as readers. So a little more details, we're talking bigger girl like a tight size 13/14- still with my 5 foot 9 inch frame-, pasty white skin, frizzy curly hair with very little shape and color ranging from just natural- which is a dull brownish-blonde- to....orange. Not good-looking years for me. And then, all of a sudden {well, over a few years} I  metamorphosized into this lean 5' 9 girl, who easily slides into a size 4/6, my face retains a natural sun kiss, erasing it's pasty past, and my hair and I have figured a thing or two out. And I want to complain about having no boobs? That bothered me- the notion that I was entitled to have it all. Or like it was owed to me to right a wrong. That dissatisfaction with being dissatisfied.... for right now, it seems to be winning out over being dissatisfied with my nubbies. You get what I'm saying?!! I guess my stubborn self is more determined to fix that than the boobies. I just want to be happy with myself how I am.

Admittedly, it's been a "dig deep" sort of exercise to not give in to getting a boob job. I thought I was missing that touch of femininity....until I reframed my thinking and realized a beautiful collar bone that is best framed by a small chest offers a beautiful gesture of womanhood. I thought I was settling for something less...until I was conscious of the bigger picture I was fighting for. And this realization caused me to find some strength and hold on. Essentially, it's the strength that brought me to decision end.

This all seems like heavy talk for just a boob job. But maybe it's really more about my innate self-worth I was looking for. Which is why this line of thinking can be applied to so many things that we struggle with- it's not just valid for boob jobs. Now I know I get to typing and start sounding all preachy and "my way or the highway" but that's not for real how I am. I do start writing a bit passionately because, FOR ME, I do feel passionately about these things. Because these are my dreams and my goals. I'm learning that life isn't so much good or bad, right or wrong. In so many things, it's more a question of, Does this put you on the path you want to be on? Are you aware of where this decision is taking you? And getting in a pattern of going against some of these things puts my dreams at risk. And I'm trying to protect them.

Now back to the house decorating. Once I revamped things and went with the contemporary/coastal feel, it's not like I was completely chained to that genre. Throughout the house, I definitely have some furniture and decor that falls more into the category of traditional, and some that are closer to modern. My goal is for the OVERALL feel to be contemporary.

I see how it would be so easy to lose the vision of what I want to be. I know I already have a lot of ticks going against. And if you look at a lot of these isolated decisions, individually they don't put you at risk. But pretty soon, I've decided to get a Mercedes, I'm walking around with my Chloe purse, my kids are all in private school, and I got my fake boobs and nothing but designer clothes. According to me- which is all that really matters- there's nothing that spells down-to-earth and approachable about this person. And it would be so easy to become this person looking at each decision without perspective, without taking my bigger picture into account. And then the overall "feel" is going for, is lost.

And for you, maybe your judgment of boob jobs puts them into the category of "no importance" for the kind of person you want to become. And maybe, it puts them into the category of "sign me up." And that's ok. I have friends and family that have traditional homes, and I still hang out in them even though it's not my personal style!

Ok, I'm done, off my platform. Now go on ahead and feel free to start pointing out my discrepancies. I'll start. I kinda hate that I love diet Coke. And that I drink way too much of it. And I know I shouldn't be listening to music that talks about getting drunk, and smoking weed, and having sex with your wife..and not in those words {name that song!} Those details aren't part of the person I want to be. And I won't drive a Mercedes yet I'll be looking for every opportunity to roll in my baby's Range Rover. I know. Doesn't make much sense. I just outlined my philosophies, but we all know I don't have a capable bone in my body that can abide by them 100% or even close! And that is what we are dealing with here....

Alright ya'll, I just bore my soul and put some of my very personal opinions out there. Don't pull a Yosh and go silent! I need you to write something so I know that it's all gonna be ok! If you diasgree, or agree, or have other insights...just give me something!


  1. It still stands true that a lot of "things" we want are wanted because the general population want them and may not be so much our true desire. I think you hit that point well with your description of how some choices you would make would take you away from being the down-to-earth person you want to be. This link written by Ashley Judd shows how vicious we can be to ourselves and our population -http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/04/09/ashley-judd-slaps-media-in-the-face-for-speculation-over-her-puffy-appearance.html

  2. I love that u put so much thought into things and agree/love the person u want/will be. Continue thinking and u will continue to be that awesome down to earth thirty something who turns into the awesome down to earth 50 something. however, if u ever turn into the mercedes driving, chloe carrying big boobed blonde i have no problemo bringing u back to reality :) -T-

    1. haha! I'm gonna hold you to that, T! A question: how do you plan on bringing me back to reality? I just need to be prepared for whatever you got coming for me!

  3. Thank you for sharing... Here are my thoughts, you are gorgeous and don't need surgery to change anything about you. HOWEVER, if I had the $ and there was no risk, Id sign up in a second! As a nurse, its the risk of a surgery that scares me the most. Its not a necessary thing and there are always risks, the chances are low that something may happen but when you have family and babies; I don't think its worth it, in my opinion.
    Keep doin you, it works.
    p.s. I love that you still listen to the gangster rap/hip hop like i do ;) (I get flack for this all. the. time.)

  4. i totally get what you're saying. when we were living in LA we really felt it was a need to buy a luxury car once spencer started doing well in real estate. but when our lives changed and we were poor students again, our car said something about us that wasn't true at all. and probably wasn't very accurate when we first got it. anyway, i see what you're saying. i'll add that no matter what kind of car we drive, size of boobs we have, brand of jeans we wear, etc. it's all too easy to be misjudged. thankfully there are enough of us that understand that snap judgements are not the way to go and we can hopefully give each other plenty of chances to let our true selves shine through.

    p.s. i'm looking forward to seing the swimsuits you like. :)

  5. I agree about being easy to misjudge. And let's be honest, people I KNOW that have nice cars, etc, I don't give it a second thought. I love them Many times it's people I don't know where I make the judgments and that impedes me from getting to know them. Which is my fault, not theirs. And I hope we each give ourselves the luxury of not being perfect, and of experiencing and living and learning! Evening that comes in the form of a boob job!

  6. I like you...a lot. I don't need bigger boobs...just a lift and a tummy tuck most definitely. But I do look at luxury SUVs that my husband swears he will get me one day and designer purses (which so don't go with the Target hoodies I tend to hang around in) and then I remember that I feel a little embarrassed carrying around one of my designer bags because I think it makes people judge me. I want to be approachable because those are the people I like to hang around with so I appreciate your thoughts on this because I'm going to have to start analyzing my decisions more like you analyze yours. SO SMART! But then I wonder, should I really hire that housekeeper I told my husband I needed this morning in my daily melt down? (I cannot keep up with my housework!) Because most of my friends don't have one and will the fact that I have one give me a little help getting the bathrooms and kitchen cleaned make me not down to earth?

    1. I don't know you but you should get a housekeeper. And if people judge you - who cares. You'll have a clean house and less meltdowns. And that is a lovely feeling. Although, if you have kids the house doesn't stay that clean for very long. But that's a whole other story. There is nothing wrong for asking for some help around the house and paying for it. Enjoy it!

  7. I know all to well the "wanting" feeling you describe. I've never been an especially stylish person, or a wealthy person, or a worldly person. I have, however, found myself longing fur these things from time to time. After my son was born, after 10 months of doing NOTHING but being mommy, I began to lose the sense of who I was, or more appropriately, who I wanted to be. One day I asked myself, "if you were to die tomorrow, what would you want people to remember you for?". Mommy? Yes. Wife? Yes. But more than ANYTHING... Houses, cars, boats, clothes, vacations... I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to be a voice for those who cannot speak. I started volunteering and fostering for stray rescue of st. Louis about two months ago. By far the most amazing thing I have ever done. So what if I don't have the latest and the greatest? I'm not the most beautiful... Meh. Whatever. What I have is far more profound :). I hear ya sister...

  8. I think it's so easy to judge others (especially those we don't know, even celebrities) because of the things they have/drive/wear. It's always easier to make ourselves feel better when we're judging because we don't have those said things. But of course, we never know the circumstances behind anyone else's lives and decisions, and I think anyone can still be down to earth even if they have things that others deem "luxuries." And we all define our luxuries differently. Who knows. But I definitely agree that sometimes we think if we had just that "one thing," we'd be happier. I remember wanting new carpet in my old house so badly and I knew it would make me so much happier. And to be honest, the old carpet was nasty, but once that new carpet was in, I remember thinking that in no way did that new carpet increase my happiness. But we all need to find our own happy mediums in our lives, so that we can be happy, well-balanced and self-confident.

  9. Diana, girl go hire you that housekeeper! it's exactly those things...picking and choosing what's most important to you. and looking at all your needs/wants and deciding which ones are most important to satisfy and have the most enduring affect. at least in my opinion! kelly, i totally agree that it's the happy medium. and learning from past experiences and taking those lessons to make current decisions. and i feel like that's why we can't draw a hard line on most things- because our lives and happiness and experiences are so individual. and I'm trying to remember that more and more!
    Aimme, you've officially gone through a mama's rite of passage- that feeling of loving being a wife/mom, but needing more. so glad you found what makes you tick!

  10. Isn't it funny how much work it takes to get to know ourselves sometimes? I love that you've figured this out for yourself, but that you know it doesn't have to hold true for everyone else. Truthfully, I've been asking myself for the past week or so 'What's the big deal?' This post shed more light and helped me realize that for some the issue is a boob job, for me it is probably something else.
    It's been interesting to reflect today (and probably for days/weeks to come) about some of the issues raised and make sure I'm making decisions in line with the person I want to be. You're a deep thinker Gay - sometimes it's good for me and sometimes it kicks my booty!

  11. Gay,

    I so totally have a post written on this already... I just haven't published it yet! lol

    Interestingly enough I got a boob job last year in hopes that it would make me feel SO MUCH BETTER about myself, especially after the infidelity and divorce stuff I went through. I couldn't figure out why my Dr mentioned 2-3 times in our consults and why it was stated ON THE PRE-OP papers "do not get breast implants to solve your problems (depression, marital, emotional, etc). HUH?? OF COURSE boobs would solve all my problems... hello??

    Well, after almost one year of having breasts, I'm still the same ol' me, except with uneven balls of saline in my chest. I still have the same doubts about myself as I did before except now I'm picking my imperfect breasts apart. My nipples are slightly off, one has dropped more than the other... it's NEVER ending! Sure I like the way I fill out a bra for the first time, but really, it hasn't made THAT big of a difference.

    I've come to realize that beauty is SO MUCH MORE outward appearance. I'm all for a woman undergoing surgery if it will *help* her to feel better, BUT, you have to be HAPPY with YOU and who YOU are, before anything like that will make much of a difference.

    Wonderful post!

    Oh, and I asked you to better define your boundary talk on my blog... I need help! :)


  12. Loved how real, honest & just plain raw your writing is in this post. I can't tell you enough how much I needed to hear it & be reminded that one more "thing" is not what will make me happy. Deep down inside I know this, but it is a constant, daily battle to resist & fight against!

    Can I be your neighbor please so we can have daily therapy sessions? It would be good for my soul! Love you Gay.

  13. First of all - you should def read that piece from Ashley Judd that another friend posted. I read it on FB this morning and LOVED it.

    Okay, so a little story. I walk to school a lot to pick up my kiddos. I've noticed this very pretty mom picking up her son and I've also noticed that she has a size 2 body, long gorgeous hair, skinny jeans and big knockers that she wears with tighter shirts (a little low cut as well). And of course, I judged her. "Who gets so dressed up to pick up their child?" I rolled my eyes as I rolled on down in my baggie pants, baggie shirt and sneakers. Cut to a few months later when I'm on a field trip with her (and our kids - not just us). It turns out that she's from another country and is a singer. She is very happily married and reminds me of the woman in Modern Family! She also broke her hip during labor and delivery and cannot have any other children. We had so much fun together, too! She was lovely! We had great conversation and we really connected AND I felt like the biggest SH** for being so judgmental earlier. Who am I to judge another?! I should know better by now! Geesh.

    So yes, we all do judge each other. But hopefully we'll all learn to NOT judge each other by our "boobies."

    And to be quite honest with you if you get a Boob Job and it's barely a B -- girl. No one will even KNOW that you've gotten your girls worked on! And so what if they do??

    I'm going in soon for my tummy tuck and hernia repair and I'm freaking out. I'm scared to death that I'll be the small percent that has problems and I keep wanting to back out. But I have to get my hernias repaired and I'll never get my belly fixed otherwise. So there. Hopefully in a few more months I'll be a skinny momma with no belly. Please JUDGE me!! LOL.

    Love you! Keep the thoughts coming. You inspire me to write one of these days.

    1. Ditto on the small size! I went very tasteful and small and don't regret my choice at all. Smaller the better in my opinion- even the Dr's will disagree and say you need bigger... DON'T! :)

      Crazy how easy it is to judge... and then find out later that the very person we were criticizing is SO cool, down to earth and NOT the person we painted them to be. GREAT REMINDER KATIE! Thanks for sharing this!

  14. I hand it to you to have that perspective to make decisions based on who you want to become. which i think is especially hard for someone in your circumstance and living where you live. most people would not be so careful about those decisions. and I agree with most of this post. especially on the things that truly make us happy. but then, i also think that basing decisions just so you are not lumped with that group of people that you yourself judge seems to go against these thoughts...being worried about what others might think. i say do what is best for you - either way- and don't worry what category others will put you in. these decisions don't define us as a person. I think it is how we carry ourselves and interact with other people that matter and define ourselves, not things and appearances.

  15. Katie, you crack me up as always! but see there's the point....we shouldn't judge, but we do. and i said in an earlier comment, i get that it's my own fault because anyone i actually know with any of the said stereotypes, it's not an issue, i like the people. but when a lot of these things add up, it's like being a teenager wearing all black, painting my nails black, having my hair stick up and not wanting people to call me gothic or whatever. yes, it you get past the appearance, i'm sure the individual is nice but the way the person is presenting themselves could stand as an impediment for some people to actually get to know them. and the only person we owe anything to is ourselves, so are we presenting ourselves the way we want to?
    laura, i'm with you in the fact that if i were to get a boob job, it would be a tasteful one, most people wouldn't even notice. so it's not as much being worried what people would think of me.it's simply choosing not to be part of a group. and i'm sure the second i got one, I'd be over it and it really wouldn't be that big of a deal. i think that's why any of these decisions- not just boob job- are so individual. the boob job itself isn't a big deal, i think there's a certain mentality that has potential for being dangerous. i think i feel i have to let certain things win out- for instance choosing to get a housekeeper. there are certain negative connotations that come from that. i'm not simply trying to satisfy other people, but i'm trying to pick and choose and hope that i don't fall into a lot of categories that i don't want to be in, you know. it's the composite. like i said, i definitely don't abide by my own philosophies 100%, but i think it is nice to know what your own philosophies are so that they can help in making decisions, and i'm in no way suggesting that mine should be anyone else's. Anyways, love ya!!!

    1. A wonderful post on many levels, a very enlightening and thoughtful perspective. Maybe another perspective here is... a person with the means and resources that would allow you the options to better your circumstances and lifestyle, i.e. house keeper, vacations, private school, nice leather bag, safe luxury car, slightly augmented breast size (nice padded bra or implants), etc... shows that even with all those choices you could or couldn't make, wouldn't actually make you a different person, or define you... unless you choose to let them change or define you. The same people that would potentially judge one for having a housekeeper could also judge one for getting boobs and beyond. What it boils down to is, we are all trying desperately to control how other people perceive us, approve or disapprove us, or so we think... when really it still is our own perception of ourselves we are battling with, but through the lens of how we think others see us. My mom got boobs. She drives a ford, gets a pedicure every two weeks, teaches young women, thrift store shops, works full time, exercises in the living room, meditates every morning, is a grandma, loves chocolate cake, has a housekeeper, deeply spiritual, intellectual, quirky, shockingly naiive, empathetic, passionate and authentic, and yes also looks smokin' in the CLASSIEST way... she fits no stereotype. Yeah, maybe there are those who would love to box her up into one, cause externally she is pretty and proportionate, or they've been watching one to many episodes of the real housewives of orange county, but they would likely make an uneducated, or judgement based from a very limited knowledge of who she is, Because to know her is to LOVE her. I was in my early twenties when she made the choice in her 40's. I might have felt a lil' weird about it initially, but we all talked about it in the open. Now over five years later, it's no big deal, I still enjoy and love the very same mom and she seems very happy with her choice and not overly worried about what others think about her. She is 50 now, maybe this is the beauty of age, that we let go of what other people think, we discover life is too short to make choices in fear of others judgements. What I feel like you stated is this, your perception of a person that does all these things is not what YOU want to be, therefore you deliberately made other choices because for you, you've found that in your own perception, these choices would partially define your worth for you, or hinder others ability to see you for who you are, separate of nice things or bigger boobs. I admire your thoughtful and deliberate approach to your life and decisions and the image you are presenting to others. And if over the years, ya changed your mind, or your home decor style or boob size... I'd still love ya, change is part of the deal.

    2. Love this, Brooke. Like a lot. I guess sometimes its hard to admit that I can't control what people think of me, esp when I'm trying to be the best me. Which also goes to admit the need to relinquish my own judgments. It's a tricky one. Thanks! xoxo

    3. Brooke, I love what you said and kind if what I e been thinking but you said it perfect. There are so many components to being us. I think as long as we make decisions based on what is very best for us and not what others might think, that is when we are being true to ourselves. Are we picking private school because of social pressure or because it is truly the best option for our child? Are we getting that Mercedes because of status or because you just love the car and to hell what others think? Are we getting boobs or not getting them because we are worried about what others think or dang it I'm just tired of wearing a padded bra! I have been thinking about thus post a lot lately and I think it is good to really get to the root of every decision we make and figure out who we are making that decision. Gay I think we could chat on this subject for hours!

    4. I'm sure we could, laura! and just for the reason you said, it's not just boob jobs, it's life! but i do think this is why it's good to be open about these type of things. it really inspires a broader perspective. and with that being said, i'm going to get my B's- do you take cash or credit card?!!

  16. so, i knew the 21 year old you (yes, i remember the frizzy hair and the "bigger" girl, but who wasn't fat in Uruguay?! i mean, come on. who can say "no" to biscochos and dulce de leche?!) and though we don't get to chat that much, only when we see each other at the stake center, you are still that warm, caring, approachable, interested-in-me person with a huge smile that i remember from Buceo/Malvin. that's just who you are and i think it would take a lot to change that. like atleast a DD cup. :)

  17. Thanks for putting all your thoughts out there. I thought it was a deep question to ask in the first post, why or why not, what do you tell your daughters, etc. I could type a novel about the decision reached as well.

    You are right. We are all judgemental on some level and about different things. I think being aware of it is important and hopefully we can become less judgemental as we work on it.

  18. Fun conversation for sure. Love Brooke and Katie R's comments. Can relate to always wanting to be a nice, approachable, good girl.
    After moving to NYC from small town Kansas I was adamant on not losing those roots. I loved who I was and what it meant being from the Midwest. Quickly but not quick enough I learned to cut the roots at the surface and adapt, even so they are still below and I'm still me. I had to become a NYer if I was going to make it there. It was the only way I survived and it turned out NYers knew a few good things Midwesterns didn't. From that point on, I've been open to doing things someone else's way, knowing it could be a better way. I love where I came from and how it shaped me but I love more so that I've moved on and up. The simple girl that wanted a simple life is ready for the day she can put her kids in private school and drive a new luxury car every 3 years w/ or w/ out a nice B cup chest knowing all the while I'm still me at the root.


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