Friday, February 3, 2012

You get what you get.........

Yesterday Yosh and I hastily got in his car with 4 minutes to spare.  I was feeling like crap, always a valid excuse for snide remarks.

"Seriously? You didn't even brush your hair?"

His retort should have been, "You're worried about my hair? Well, you shouldn't be. With this bright purple mark on the center of my neck, no one's going to be looking at my slightly ruffled hair."

Which would have shut me up in no time flat. Instead he said, "Sorry, Gay, I was shaving and I guess I forgot." Which still shut me up.

My Ibuprofen started kicking in by the time we arrived to the school. We had a 1:30 interview with admissions- a whole new world to us. I finally succumbed to that incessant, persistent voice that's been running it's yapper for the past three years.....I applied to a private school. Part of that process, apparently, is putting Yosh and I on the hot seat and seeing what we're made of, if we're "a fit". I had thought minimally about this interview because, well, ignorance is bliss. I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know what they wanted to hear, and all in all....I've been a complete failure at putting up a facade  so I denied unnecessary analyzing any face time.

We entered the office of the director of admissions and nervously took a seat in the two appointed chairs. We did our best at hellos and introductions and sank comfortably into conversation. The questions were fairly easy and invited natural gushings about our child, our family, and our visions of the future- which we handled like pros. And somehow, it included talk about mine and Yosh's Mormon missions, merged with the director's run-ins with Mormon missionaries all through-out his upbringing in Hawaii. He told us how his dad was always so nice, opened the door to them, fed them, and chit-chatted about God. He said at this time, his dad had recently left his church because of a disagreement and while he fervently believed in God, he didn't believe that church was the right one. So he was "searching". Yosh and I laughed as we put ourselves in the shoes of those missionaries. In their eyes, this guy had "GOLDEN" written all over him and was surely on their investigators list month after month. We put an end to his curiosity as to why the missionaries kept showing up!

The convo kept going but the temperature in the room was high and the 2:00 hour did it's magic and had us all fighting the urge to become unabashedly disengaged. The director was admittedly on his fourth cup of coffee and second soda of the day. His responses started to take longer with a lot more meandering than necessary. I was tracking back and forth between the director's droopy eyes and Yosh's, staying mentally alert by noting the comedy in the situation. The conditions were such that the director was struggling to pour his heart into this presentation, and Yosh was struggling to feign whole interest in it. I continued my tracking and noticed that Yosh's eyes were getting heavier and heavier. My breathing picked up a little bit as I realized that even more obvious and embarrassing than his purple neck mark, was the fact that his blinks were lengthening, each one longer than the previous. Surely, this wasn't happening. We were in a room with 3 of us present, not 30. There was no way his "drifting" would go unnoticed. There was no way that exaggerated head nod that shook him back to reality would ever be overlooked. I shot him piercing warnings, warnings that only serve as such to someone whose eyes are OPEN. And sadly..........his weren't. What the heck was I to do now? Yosh was asleep, I was fully emerged in the drama on hand, and the director was left talking to himself. I had to do something to cushion the face plant that was about to take place. Because in a couple of seconds, Yosh's half-way open mouth would relax into complete open mouth sleep mode, snoring would be no more than a couple seconds behind, and I'd be knee-deep in doo doo cuz once you reach that point......well, there's no covering up. Or cushioning. Or explaining. Just full-fledged embarrassment, bordering traumatization. So I was forced to pull out the only trick I know.......gracefully {?} confront the truth. "Yosh, are you falling asleep? I think you're falling asleep." My smile was as big as Miss South Carolina in the Q & A round, confidently giving a response that has nothing to do with the question.  

Yosh looked at me like I was crazy, "Nope, I wasn't asleep." Well, whatever the state of consciousness was 10 seconds ago, we were ALL now wide awake and ready to wrap this dang thing up. We laughed out the expected excuse, "Oh well, Yosh gets up real early. Has to be to work at 5, you know." The director politely posed a follow-up question and to be honest I think he was equally thankful that someone put his ramblings to an end.

Just like was all over. We shook hands, thanked him for the opportunity, and showed ourselves to the front door. Barely outside, we gave the double fist pump........"Nailed it."

Some say you can't judge a book by its cover............I disagree.


  1. Is this the intro to the Yosh stories? You know we want them!! And the purple mark...dare I ask?

  2. Holy cow, this post has me rolling. So funny. Um, yeah, what is with the purple mark? Baby number 5!

  3. I laughed through this entire post just picturing you two in the "hot seat". And Yosh's tuffled hair & purple battle wound... classic. :) Hope you guys are accepted, how exciting!


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