Thursday, January 19, 2012

Even Better

A year ago today I lay in an office, anxiously awaiting pins and needles. I was a complete stranger to the office and felt every bit of that strangeness. I didn't know if I should be clothed, or naked like a massage. Should I sit up or lay down? Does the process take place in silence or do we make small talk? In my typical reserved manner, I blabbered all these concerns, questions, and unknowns in the first 60 seconds of meeting my acupuncturist. She told me to get comfortable- whatever my definition of that was {....CLOTHED}, to lay down, and she started chit-chatting while inconspicuously inserting needles into my feet, shoulders, and hands. The procedure, accompanied by minimal massaging, was far from invasive, leaving me with the decisive conclusion....I'd just been ripped off. My friends swore it was more than a wife's tale, that pointed acupuncture would initiate the birthing process. Their children were proof that it worked. And I wanted to be another statistic.  On a whim I got Yosh to agree to this ludicrous plan {that I was  sure probably wouldn't work anyway.} After that uneventful 2:00 hour in Heidi's room, I was convinced I had just thrown away $100. Either way, it was a valiant effort to cross promoted wife's tales off the "to-try" list. 

My conservative attitude didn't scare off the contractions. They started slow and steady and persisted through the night. Still groping to believe the success of that 60 minute session, I cautiously drove myself to the hospital- 'cautiously' as in I still wasn't admitting I was actually in labor and that acupuncture actually worked. And therefore there was no reason to actually call my husband and disturb his work day to come chauffeur me to the hospital. But a nurse's probing at 8:30 am left no question. Yy subconscious reverse-psychology had worked like a charm and reality was I had achieved the long-desired result...I truly was in labor. That 2:00 pm appointment turned into an 11:55 am birth the next morning. Arguably the best $100 I've spent up to this point. I finally had my Kaia Marie to touch, and smell, and admire, and kiss.

I already knew I loved her. But there were many things I was yet to learn.

I didn't know that my rugged boys knew to treat a princess with such tenderness. From their initial meeting, their ability to interact with love needed no coaching and instinctively found new depth.

I didn't know this one baby would change our family dynamic more than any of the previous. Her effect has been beyond fascinating to me- as I witness the softness she has brought to our tones, the smiles she effortlessly yields, a presence that invites acknowledgment. Fascination is a mild description of my wonderment.

I didn't know that a daddy/daughter bond was soft, subtle, yet wired with live current.

I didn't know that I would crave her company, that I would NEED her with me the first few months of her life; that I would selfishly provide her nurture the first 5 months.

I didn't know what it was like to look at a baby and see a reflection of myself. I had seen my husband imprinted in a sweet baby's face before, but never myself. It was a feeling of awe, a swelling of pride, a moment of full circle.

I didn't know that my greeting to Yosh when he walks in the door would pale a million shades compared to the greeting he receives from his daughter.

I didn't know her simple femininity would crusade a respect for women in her mama's heart. Her mere presence has led a mental march to discover my own worth as a woman so that I can pass it on to her. I love the newly added weight.

I didn't know that anyone other than Tom Cruise possessed a million dollar smile.

I didn't know that she would be the perfect harmony to compliment our solid melody. 3 boys and 1 girl sounds like imbalance, but mysteriously it plays perfection in our home.

I didn't know she would have the ability as baby #4 to provide me with so many "firsts". I did know she would be the source of so many "lasts", and I treasured a lot of simple moments.

I didn't know that more than wanting, our little family needed this baby girl to complete it.







She's been the most precious reminder of what family is. As we've all been pulled together by her tender influence, she's silently preached the basics. That family is love. And time. And laughing. And caring. And enjoying. And seeking. And relishing. But most of all....that family is love. A profound lesson for a sweet baby to carry.

Our 1 day short of 1 year-old, Kai Kai Marie

12 comments:

  1. Such beautiful words that speak so true. What an incredible post.

    ReplyDelete
  2. WHAT!!!!!!!!! SHE is ONE! No I don't believe it. That went too fast! Well miss Kaia Marie...just plan on marrying mr. mason in 20 short years..mmmk.
    She is darling and so sweet.
    Love this post Gay.

    p.s. I'll be seeing you TOMORROW!!!! HOLLA!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I finally put this new site into my google reader... so, happy birthday, Kaia! Those last pictures prove that she really does look like you; she is SO cute!

    I have not heard of acupuncture inducing labor (probably I should have?), but I am glad to know it works!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Beautiful. Simply beautiful. Cami- mase might have to battle it out with levi for this little cutie pie!! I wish I was going to see you tomorrow, have fun girls!

    And...I just might be trying acupuncture for my next labor, I think that was the ONLY thing I didn't try before :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Beautiful. Simply beautiful. Cami- mase might have to battle it out with levi for this little cutie pie!! I wish I was going to see you tomorrow, have fun girls!

    And...I just might be trying acupuncture for my next labor, I think that was the ONLY thing I didn't try before :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. so beautiful! there is something so special about sweet little girls in the family.
    so true about the daughter/father bond. It is a STRONG one.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "I didn't know that my greeting to Yosh when he walks in the door would pale a million shades compared to the greeting he receives from his daughter." AMEN Sista! I feel that every day. You did a great job capturing that feeling. As I await boy number 4, I'm glad I got my little girl!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congrats, Vickie. I hadn't read where you announced the gender!

      Delete
  8. This is the sweetest post. Every single word just melted me! What a sweet girl. Happy One Year beautiful kaia!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Shut your mouth, is she really one?!?! AHHH!! And could she be any cuter?? Honestly Gay this post was so beautifully written .... loved it! She seriously does complete your sweet, little family ..... Oh I miss her! PS I am hoping my next baby is just like her :) Oh and see you TOMORROW!!!! YAY!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks all, we're loving this little lady. Although her actual birthday will be next to forgotten!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Precious Gay! Hoping we get ours too! By the way, if we do happen to get a little lady, what are you doing with all of those cute clothes little Miss Kaia is growing out of? hint, hint ;-)

    ReplyDelete

Don't hate. Participate. Conversate.

ShareThis

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...