Wednesday, October 26, 2011

♥ to ♥

I was thinking this week about being a mom and three specific incidents came to my mind.

I remember being in my last semester of college when I heard about "Teach For America", a program designed to offer the teacher a way to get credentialed while being paid. The assigned classroom was usually in the inner-city somewhere like a reservation. I had opted out of a teaching degree because I wanted to graduate at the same time as Yosh and as soon as I gained a focused career path, it always involved working with at-risk youth. So my heart spiked at this opportunity. I gathered a little information and started the initial application process before it all came to a halt. I was very pregnant. As appealing as this job was, we had decided I would stay at home with the baby. And as much as I tried to talk myself into it, I knew I didn't have the personality to fully commit myself to both, nor did I truly want to. I remember being in the bathroom at the JKHB, and, alongside a little disappointment, I felt with surety that it was my calling to be at home. 

Fast forward a couple babies later, might as well have been a lifetime later. The kids were at home with a baby-sitter and I was out running errands. I walked into Staples, checked off my list, and went to pay. As I stood in line, I looked admiringly at the cashier. "I bet......she looooves her job," I thought. I imagined her getting in her car everyday, the music blaring, sun pouring in through the sunroof, probably sipping on a sodie, driving to work to hang out with her co-workers/friends. "Yep, she must. This would be sooo fun." I tried bringing myself back to really, "Come on, Gay, this is Staples. She can't possibly love her job." {Not knocking STAPLES, you get the point though.} I tried my hardest to infuse reality and talk myself out of this conclusion but I just wasn't buying it. Point-blank...she must love her job and I was jealous. I wanted to be a Staples cashier.

This third incident occurred while I was driving in my car, once again with two kids at home, and I was feeling pretty miserable. If I remember correctly, Yosh got a phone call that went something like this, in a whisper, "I hate my job.....I wanna quit." I don't remember how the rest of the phone call went, but I drove around for awhile because I didn't want to go home to reality. I needed a brief run-away. And somewhere in that drive, a seed was planted that has overtime blossomed. The thought that has become my roots and anchor is this.... I chose to be a stay-at-home mom. I'm not one because I have to be, or because my religion suggests that as an ideal route, or because my husband wants me to be. I chose it. And I continue to choose it every time I'm tempted to be something other than that. In all honesty, it seems very sexy to be a little something professional, have a career of my own and succeed at it {which- quick news flash- I would never succeed at. That'll be a great post job history and so-called work ethic...}. And sometimes I've even tried to ignore what I know to be right for me and chase sexy but no matter how I try to tip-toe around it, I know what I want and I know what is right for me. "The grass is greener on the other side" sometimes sends me for a walk, but I always get pulled right back to my side of the fence, which is why I'm currently trying to refund my way out of a business venture I invested in.  I have found not only freedom in knowing the choice was mine to choose, but also empowerment, and this derived strength has pulled me out of many a black corners and served as an anchor during the storms.

Now although I love being a stay-at-home mom, I'm not necessarily advocating for stay-at-home moms; I'm advocating for being pro-active in making a decision and then owning it. The shared experience happened to be my vehicle for learning this principle. This lesson has enabled me to apply the same principle to many other facets of my life. So just my thoughts for the day...wherever you are in life, no matter how different your path may be from mine, a common factor across the board is that the path is sometimes hard and dissatisfying. A small key for navigating the turbulence is owning your position. Once you come to terms with that, you can choose to continue in the same route or make changes. You can taste the liberation and often times that feeling of freedom gives you all the power you need to push through.

Suerte, my friends!


  1. I have had these same thoughts. In fact it made me reflect on post I did a couple of years ago.

  2. you're not alone on this one gaybee! and btw, you could make a killer living on being some kind of writer. i love reading your stuff. so entertaining and seriously so well said. i want to steal some of your sentences and put them in a quote book, or better yet hallmark them! i love u! you're the freaking raddest mom there ever was. and i'm being dead serious. you rock my world gaybee hansen. xoxo

  3. Well, I'm glad we've had this heart to heart. Ha! I think about this subject A LOT but from the other side. I work, and I have to and my thoughts revolve around if I could just choose anything to do at all it would be to stay at home and be a 'homesteader'--but that gets me no where. I work, and I love the people I work with, and I'll probably always work and when I think of the positives, I always feel much better. Yes, the grass does seem greener, but each side has it's baggage.

    BTW, Staples? Really?? he, he. :)

  4. Loved reading this post Gay!! Well said. Those same thoughts cross my mind often on the crazy mom days, but then I always come back to the same conclusion...and I love it!!


Don't hate. Participate. Conversate.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...