Thursday, June 7, 2012


Do you believe in miracles?
I have to share this story as this is one that has restored my belief that, yes- miracles do exist!

Often we're not graced with the gift of seeing the finished product of our small acts. We're not granted the 'why' of quiet whisperings prodding us to do something. How many of life's miracles have we been part of...without ever knowing?

This time I was graced with that gift- of seeing and recognizing the miracle.

January 2012

Her world had been torn apart. Her definition of family had been reduced to shreds and the scraps still lied on the bathroom floor while she tried to redefine it. She was shifting through information- way too much information. Her brain wasn't prepared to process the details she was requiring of it. More importantly, neither was her heart. And so she, too, lay crumbled on the bathroom floor. Emptying all the poison into the toilet, one mouthful at a time. For two weeks. Two LONG weeks...she didn't leave the bathroom.

She finally had the strength to get up and start accepting what had become her forced reality. Miles away from her old life, she grieved alone in her parents' home, where the secrets didn't find much escape. She carried more than her fair share of darkness and pain.  Her support system was limited by the mere uniqueness of the tragedy that had struck. Without a mentor, she was left to decipher her own craziness.

mid-March 2012

I was officially obsessed.

 It was the second time this had happened to me- where I find a blog community that I absolutely don't belong to and get sucked into the genre of stories that are so vastly different from my own story. I want to understand. I want to feel their world, their perspective. I want to answer my own brewing questions. So I keep reading.

This time around, my heart ached more. The authors were beautiful women. Wives, just like me. Mothers, just like me. Yet, they weren't like me at all. They had been called to duty, to battle an intense civil war dividing their family.

It 's been an eye-opening subject. Go check them out for yourselves. and

At some point, I hesitantly left a comment on each of those blogs. And it's funny...because I remember the hesitancy. And thinking, Why am I doing this? I was way out of my league, apart from being way out of my comfort zone.

This began a series of friendly comment exchanging. We became little bloggy friends!  

May 9, 2012 
I sat out back basking in that one sofa where the sun hits just right and most of the time it feels like summer. If only in that one seat. My eyes were closed and I was thinking about a friend...or was she an acquaintance?...who had just had a baby. I hadn't had contact with her in 5 months. All for kind of awkward reasons to be honest. But I wanted to tell her congratulations on her newborn. And although I don't always act on it, I believe honest desires should trump awkwardness. So I sent the text. And much to my surprise, she quickly responded as if- yes, we were friends. And no, it hadn't been 5 months. I once again closed my eyes in the sun spot and let my mind off its leash to go where it pleased.

I was thinking about my upcoming trip to Utah. I was thinking about my friend. With a toddler and a newborn. I was thinking about swaddling that newborn. Why do I always dream- night or day- about swaddling newborns? Can I please swaddle your newborn? I was thinking how my friend was probably...alone. ALONE ....I didn't want her to be alone. And my sister-in-law, who lives in the same area as my friend, wanted me to come in town on Saturday instead of Tuesday. But it just wasn't working out, or was it? My friend would never let me come help her any way. Wait, would she? What if I just told her I was coming? Just ask. I couldn't just ask. I had never had more than a 5 minute fluid conversation with her. Ever. Just ask.

So out of left field I send the text to the girl I hadn't talked to in 5 months and to be honest, not tons before that, "So just throwing it out there to think about- would u ever let me (alone) stay with u and help u from Sunday to Tuesday, May 20-22? Think about it!"

Weird. I felt kinda weird. We weren't that good of friends. Or wait, were we even friends at all?
In the meantime I looked at plane tickets...and found one for $92. 92 dollars? How is that even possible with no advanced purchase? I don't know. But it was only $92. Easy street. I wouldn't be spending any more money than my original ticket.

I still hadn't heard back from her the next morning. Just text her again.

"What do you think?!! I'd take care of all the cooking and cleaning and entertaining little man so you could just bond with baby!"

I don't like stepping on toes. I don't like making people feel pressured. I don't like pushing myself on people. I WAS PUSHING MYSELF ON HER. Why in the world was I pushing myself on her? I was uncomfortable.

But only for a minute. Because she quickly responded. "I would love to have you come." And like was done. I was going to see the girl I hadn't said boo to in 5 months and only talked to occasionally before that.

I had no idea what was going on with her other than the fact that her and her husband were recently seperated. And I was determined not to ask the intimate details of her life. After all, I didn't even know if we were more than mere acquaintances.

The week and a half leading up to my visit, I was completely shocked about the unfolding of this little situation. I didn't quite get how it all materialized.

May 15, 2012

Jacy, my new bloggy friend, sent me an email saying she would have loved to meet up when our Disneyland visits had only missed by a day. I left a causal, "Next time for sure" reply. It wasn't long after that, I knew I was going out to Utah {where she lived}  and reached out to her, to get together for lunch or something. Even though I didn't know her at all. And she agreed. Even though she didn't know me at all.

I was laughing at my own self....I felt like I had just engaged in internet friendship dating for the first time and it was a bit WEIRD to say the least. I felt like someone had taken over my own keyboard!

May 18, 2012

It only took one phone call. And that one phone call- that 40 minutes- has become a stake in the map that has made details of past and present bleed together. It's as if I can't remember what I knew before that point in time, I don't remember what it felt like to NOT know the things that I now know. Because I am changed. My ignorance was shattered. Shockingly, the stories I had been reading on these blogs were the story of my friend's life. These blogs I had been reading...while they were agonizing and heart-wrenching, they were tasteful. They left a lot of details for the imagination. This phone call did not. This phone call cited examples for every vague insinuation the blogs had implied. And I knew the players. I knew the husband and the wife. I wasn't a completely unconnected, disinterested party reading along to learn about humanity's different paths. I was in fact a friend- another detail defined through that one phone call- listening to an account of someone's personal hell. A hell that she had endured mostly alone for five months. Five LONG months. Her two weeks spent on the bathroom floor were just the beginning of this 5 month imprisonment. But now she was opening up. She was releasing the secrets that were really not hers to carry. She was detoxing from HIS secrets and offering herself up for health.

"Hindsight" has already given this story such perspective. Although it was only a couple weeks ago, I remember real time being blurred. Hanging up the phone, I kinda knew I needed to meet up with Jacy. Like ASAP. Hindsight erases all the blurriness. The truth of the matter is that it was they, not me, that NEEDED to meet up. My friend NEEDED real support.

And more important, their meeting up was the point of all this crazy isolated incidents. These unexplainable texts and comments and emails....they were all meant to culminate during this 2 day visit that was never in my itinerary.

So, all three of us met up. I'm blown away by that simple sentence alone....ALL 3 OF US MET UP. Jacy, a girl I had never heard of less than 2 months ago, was coming to meet up with me and my friend- who to be honest was barely a friend before this incident. Jacy and my friend sat for two hours, paralleling detail after detail. Sharing scripts that seemed to have been jointly written. My friend- who had felt SO knew that she was no longer alone. Not only had more friends joined her circle of strength, but she, FOR THE FIRST TIME, had someone who had traversed her path only months prior. And that single someone, happened to know lots of someones. And that group of someones was getting together a week later for a pow wow. And my friend was now invited. And she went.

Just like that, she has a complete support system. In two short weeks, her life has literally been opened to a world of mentors and cheerleaders and wise, experienced advisers that ALL BELIEVE IN HER. And that is going to make all the difference in the course her life takes.

To me, the way that support system was gained, is an absolute miracle.  

"A miracle is what seems impossible, but happens anyway." -Grif from MIB3 

**you can read my friend's story at
I also share this story as I've learned how many people are dealing with real, serious issues alone. You don't have to suffer alone! Please reach out and know that as alone as you feel, there are more people than you would ever think walking in your same matter what shoes you're wearing. And if you just want someone to talk to or want to be put in touch with someone, please email

If you know someone who needs to be reminded that miracles still exist, please share this story with them.

I would love if you'd please take a minute in the comment section to share a miracle- no matter how small or big- that has touched you recently. I'm loving this reminder....that miracles do indeed still happen. And I think we all benefit from hearing the stories!
photo from


  1. Reading this, and have tears welling in my eyes, for reasons unknown. What your friends are going through, I've never experiences on the same level. It's amazing how these little miracle, this life, this small yet connected world we all live in, how it all works out. We each have our own paths, our own destiny's to take, yet intertwined on such intimate levels with so many other people, on a level that is not comprehendible. We need other people, other stories. It molds and defines and helps us be who we desire to be. And sadly enough, I'm just now realizing I need friends. I need other people in my life, besides by family of course. I haven't ever had too many close friends. The few I did have, I cherished of course, but I had trust issues. I had been blown by so many people, I thought I could just make friends on the "surface" never getting too close to them, or vice versa. WRONG! It's just now, I am consciously aware of all the different people around me, of the energies they put out, and how I would like to be apart of them. I've put it out "there" to make friends, and guess what, a little miracle, they are coming! I am not afraid to talk about how I feel, even though some goes against the grain. I am not afraid to be me, and to let people pick my brain as I pick theirs. I am constantly learning, and loving, and experiencing, and making new friends. Life is good.

    You are an amazing little soul gabey! People want to be around you, just because you are you, and you are real. I'm so glad you got to experience this miracle with your new friends, and I'm sure they are grateful for you. xoxo


    1. Thanks for sharing chels. I love learning new things about people. It's funny- I would have never guessed you had trust issues. One of the things I remembering noticing about you even when I first met u (when you were still in high school!) was your confidence. I wouldve never known this was hiding behind that confidence. The whole opening ourselves up and being vulnerable experience is pretty enlightening. Cant wait til our next chat about who knows what! Luv ya!

  2. It's a funny feeling when you're sobbing and smiling at the same time! And I do believe in miracles, I do, I do!!

    Thanks for all you are Gizay!

    And for listening to those little feelings asking you act. To take that crazy step and text her, call her and buy that cheap plane ticket! It is all so miraculous. Something big is happening, I can feel it everywhere I look. It's like something amazing and fantastic is brewing on this organic level and on the opposite end something terrible and ugly has also been brewing. The collision is inevitable. And our voices are our power for all that is healthy and strong! The Man Upstairs has used our voices to spread those miracles. So thank you for using your voice and helping your friend find hers! We are all part of it, connected.

    There was no denying the brightness in your friends eyes! She is gorgeous and strong! I love you both like the sisters you are. Again, I'm bawling and smiling! Cheesy, eh?

  3. Oh. My. Gosh! I am crying and smiling too. I am covered in chills.

    I'll just go ahead and echo what Scabs said above. Remarkable how this all fell together... remarkable how we are intertwined at such a vulnerable and raw level.

    I am so blessed to have met you. This was miraculous.

  4. What an awesome story! This is only one of the many reasons why I love this here blogging! Not only is it a way to journal and is a creative outlet for many, but I have made SO many blogging friends...a ton I have never even met in real life, some that I was friends with but not close and have now become much closer, the list goes on! It's a small, strange, intertwined, extremely awesome little community and I love it.
    So happy for this little miracle.
    What strong strong women you are. I think this is something that goes on in many people's lives that you wouldn't expect or that many people are struggling with but don't face. Kuddos to you for bringing it to light!

    1. It's funny Cami because I've heard you say that before but now…I GeT IT! It's def an intertwined world and such a good way to get to know people we would never otherwise meet!

  5. You were a tender mercy to her I'm sure of it. The pain that many of us have experienced is very isolating. You feel alone in your suffering and sometimes you actually have to will yourself to breathe. But, a community of these women is a miracle. It truly has lifted my burdens and allowed me to just be.

    1. Your little community is a miracle and I love seeing how you all depend on and help each other. Loneliness is one of the worst feelings in the world. I can only imagine how each of you felt when you discovered each other!

  6. I'm kind of speechless after reading this. You already know how I feel about this story, but words can't even express how proud of you I am right now. You couldn't have written this story out any better! You were clearly inspired & every word was just so perfectly placed. You are an amazing lady & I'm lucky to have you as my friend. Love you Gay & thanks for reminding us all that miracles... whether big or small still exist. We are all part of a greater plan! You always inspire me to do be better. Love you!

  7. This was a miracle and I was in awe as it unfolded. I know this wasn't why you wrote the post, but I am really proud of you for stepping outside your comfort zone and following your instincts to be ready for this situation. I've learned so much about life and needing each other from this experience. It was a miracle, but one that couldn't have happened if you would have shrugged off those little whisperings.

  8. Wow. I don't even know what else to say! I've been reading these amazing women's stories the last few days and I am truly in awe of them. This is such an incredible story, how it all unfolded, how in tune you were and how you stepped out of your comfort zone for all of this to happen. I'm teaching a lesson on sunday about personal revelation, so I've been thinking aout the "smaller" ways we receive it. It seems like too often we might not think we receive it because we don't hear these loud voices telling us something, or because we don't get to see the end result! But you and your friends are a testament that we do indeed receive it, and miracles most definitely happen when we do what we've been or out of our comfort zone! Thanks for sharing Gay, so inspiring. Xoxo

  9. Gay,
    I found your blog by clicking away one day and was so touched by this miracle! The story of how you connected two women in the hour of need was moving, inspiring, and powerful. I found it especially interesting to read your thoughts about the women who, like me, suffer from a life attached to sex addiction and all it's gruesome consequences. I don't tell my friends about this aspect of my life, but I often wonder what they would think if they knew. In your words I felt compassion and love, a withholding of judgment and even admiration! Wow, it made me feel good.
    A big problem in sex addiction, and the spouses reaction to it,is shame. Our shames casts us into isolation and we feel we can't bear our souls to anyone. Would my friends think I'm an idiot for staying? for putting up with this? Would they pity me? or think my husband is evil? All of these fears keep me from sharing my story in my real name, but for now I'm grateful that for now I have a voice and a community.

    1. Marlee, thank you so much for your comment. i have to admit my view has changed a lot since meeting these girls and learning about SA on a more intimate level. To be honest, i can see why you would be skeptical to share. That was reason I really wanted to share this story, is to encourage people like myself to be more open-minded and more accessible to help others going through trials. I still feel like it has got to be so hard to carry this burden alone- i hope you do have a support system you feel confident sharing with. Good luck, and if you ever wish to, please feel free to email


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