Monday, April 16, 2012

For the LOVE of Bacon

Admittedly, Deeter usually gets the tired, resigned version of me. But not when we go on dates. I'm present, I'm not distracted, I'm all his.

 I could feel that distance lingering in the air and knew it was time for a mommy/Deeter date. We trekked ourselves halfway across town to a child's haven: Giggles and Hugs. As we reached the front door, Deeter started tugging on my hand, prodding me to follow him in a different direction. There was a little car he wanted to ride. I briefly tried to point out all the fun awaiting him just past the entrance doors. But he insisted on riding the car first. Those doors would have to wait. We inserted the 75 cents, team-effort style, and he was in his happy place. The car ride ended very quickly as 75 cents doesn't get you too far these days. Not with gas at nearly 5 bucks a gallon. It was time to persuade him inside again.

And I finally did. Where there were slides, and a little jungle gym, and cars, and duck duck goose. This should account for endless hours of entertainment. Wide-eyed, he entered the play area and got to work. I watched with curious eyes from the food counter where I ordered lunch- he seemed to be latching on to the idea, despite his initial resistance. This was good. This was supposed to be fun- after all we were on a DATE.

Pretty quickly, our food was ready and Deeter was by my side. I graciously gave him the bacon from our bacon cheeseburger. And that's when the drama began. Deeter starts spouting off demands- something about my plate, and me, and mine. But his spouting is so peppered with fire and misdirection...that I can't really grasp what we're trying to achieve. I'm begging him to PLEASE USE HIS WORDS so I can help a boy out. But the fuse is short on this one. And he's already had it. He's gone, outta there. My date takes off on a mad dash, screaming, doing wild man laps, with a lone piece of bacon in his hand. Weaving through tables, reaching one road block and then another, screaming all the while, holding on to that determination to share his pain. I'm spectating with the rest of the on-lookers, wondering what in the world is going on with that child? And why is he screaming? And WHO is going to stop him? He obviously wasn't going to be threatened by me. I mean, my gosh I already had my leather pants on. You can't get much more bad A than leather pants. And those didn't even phase him. I was in a 'not a chance' situation.

He finally ran out of gas- not as quickly as our 75 cent car ride- and found it in himself to take his position by my side again. And I'll have you know that lone piece of bacon he was making his maniacal rounds with- that wasn't a mere was in fact the CRUX of the problem here. The generous 500 calorie serving I had sacrificed- courtesy of my thighs- was not enough. He needed more. Now. Before he even took the first bite of what he had. More bacon. That was what gave this child enough anger to spit-fire aimlessly around the room. Until he didn't have as much fight in him and sat down, willing to USE HIS WORDS and tell me the problem, while simultaneously resigning his ridiculous non-negotiable request.

He swallowed down a couple bites of what remained of our burger and then found a couple more minutes of play in him. But only a couple. We were soon exiting those dang doors we never should have entered. Our "endless hours of entertainment" didn't even last an hour. And most of that was spent eating a burger and running laps. I could have done that at home for a discounted price.

The walk to the car was FINE. Deeter was back to himself. I spent the whole way baffling at his skills and capabilities- there ain't nothing this boy can't mess up if he wants to. This date was a total FLOP.

Buckled into his car seat, he knew just what he needed. He needed to listen to Young, Wild, and Free. Ironically, I was in the DRIVER seat too defeated to do anything other than satisfy his demand. White flag raised. I was desperately scrolling through Itunes' endless coys, looking for the edited version. I know Kady said it was there somewhere. I found it. And previewed it just to make sure. It passed the test. I paid my $1.29.

We waited through the uploading process. While I am completely AMAZED that I can say I want a song on my Iphone and it MAGICALLY appears, Deeter is just as amazed that it is taking so long to upload.

Halfway home, I let out a sigh of relief that I could finally relax- the notes had started blasting through the speakers. Deeter was notably content, ready to sing along to his request. When the words came, "So what we get drunk, so what we smoke weed...." Of course. Another $1.29 down the drain for the day. After we listened to the song a couple times. Of course.

And don't think I walked away without learning a couple lessons.

Like everything else in Deeter's life, he needs consistency. A big shout out to one of my best friends for being on the brink of opening the home of our soon-to-be regular dates. For the first time ever, I will be signing one of my kids up for regular classes. Built-in time together. Can't wait. It's bound to be awesome as it will also be the location of his birthday party and he literally hasn't stopped talking about "my Kidville birthday party".

And last lesson: I'm not ever running around in wild circles, refusing to talk when Yosh and I fight. Nor will I give him the silent treatment. I refuse to refuse to communicate. If I do, he for real better just take my face and look me dead in the eyes and say, "USE YOUR WORDS. You're acting like a 2-year-old." And I'll get the point. And start blabbering away til he begs me to shut up.


This is where the date should have started and stopped. Cut my loss at 75 cents.
He should of been scared of these.

I should have known this face ain't scared of nothing.


  1. haha.. he should have been scared of the leather pants! love it. i wish the pants had worked for you cuz then i could have justified purchasing some leather pants for the occasions when i mean business! we have the same taste in music btw.

    1. Next time we get together…dance party. With out ghetto music. And obviously the leather pants don't work (Cami has the same ones and she says her boy is just as NOT scared) but if u still want to feel bad A we got them at H&M for probly like $16!

    2. Molly all of a sudden I'm dying laughing thinking of us putting that on at RS on wed nite! That would be a hoot!

  2. Glad I'm not the only one with a 2 year old who ruins fun outings on a consistent basis. I always feel like people are looking at me like I should control my child

  3. I almost DIED when I read this! THIS IS MASON to a T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is our regular...kid you not. I love it and it makes me feel so much better that you have one too ;)
    ah i feel so happy now. It is true, I think Mason needs more consistency. I try to do that, but I'm glad you said that, I'm going to be much more aware of it now. I think it would help a lot.
    cute little deet...they give us a run for our money.
    love the leather pants btw

  4. Laura we don't have a chance. Period.
    Cami, ive said it before and I'll say it again…sometimes I feel like I'm raising Sam hickcox's child. So I feel your pain! That's a lot of energy and character to keep up with. But at least we got our leathers for when we're feeling weak!


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