Wednesday, March 7, 2012


You know the moments of parenting when you feel your heart fracturing? Not breaking, just a slight fracture, but you feel it as it is happening. In real time. These moments aren't isolated to parenting- I think it happens when dealing with anyone you love.

Saturday on the way home from B's football game, he sat in the front seat with his little chin just a quivering as he was releasing his frustrations to me, trying to bravely hold back the tears. "Mom, I didn't get the ball even once. I'm the littlest guy on the team. I think that's why I never got it. They didn't even give me a chance." My first instinct was to jump in and remind him of all the good plays he's ever had, how he usually is  involved in almost every play. My second instinct was to tell him that we should talk to the coach and ask for more interaction. But my heart knew I needed to listen and validate his frustrations. And that there weren't any real answers. No solutions. Nothing mom should do to make it better.

These are growing pains for the B man. He was born with not only natural athleticism, but also an innate focus on technique, which has catapulted his growth at anything he tries. We've known this since he was 18 months old and throwing perfect spirals dead on to his target, all the while concentrating on his footwork. Yes, at 18 months. At 6 years old, he finally started realizing he was better than average at most things. Which meant it was time for humble pie. For this reason, we moved him up a level to play football with the 7-8 year olds. That. and of course because you don't get better if you're always the best. It was time for him to stretch. Reach. Push.

So we threw him into the lion's den. And he's feeling the pressure and the disappointment, and all the downsides that other's have been experiencing while he's been running touchdowns and getting home runs. He said, "Mom, I even sat out when there was an extra guy, trying to be nice for the team, thinking that might get me the ball." He's catching on to teamwork, to compromising, to sacrificing. It's interesting that a result of his character being stretched, is that ours as parents are simultaneously experiencing the same burn. When we don't jump in. When we don't solve the problems. When we let the kids hurt a bit. And experience vulnerability. When we give them the opportunity to step up. When we concede to the need to step down. We're growing together.  He's gonna figure his part out while I work on mine.

Today in the shower, I was laughing when this song popped into my head. Maybe this will pump him up for his next game. Or become his theme song for the season. What do ya think?!!


  1. Gay, You are such a great mom and know just when to listen. What lucky kids you have. What a great kids you have.

  2. lol - hammer time! hope dallin doesn't mind if i borrow his theme song!


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